im ready when youre ready for me.

& i waited for the right time, for the day i catch your eye,
to let you know that im yours to hold.

growing up is interesting, is it not?

this summer has proven to be the most challenging summer of my life. i dont know if thats been true for all of you who have experienced the summer before you turn eighteen. or maybe its the summer before your senior year. all i know is its been the beginning of really confirming who i am. and what i want. now, believe me, that is still not quite figured out. and i have no idea how long it will take. but it doesnt worry me. because i know that after all the searching and discovering there will always come a day when i figure out one more thing about myself.

lately ive been struggling with emotions. i was sure, then sidetracked, and it really messed with my head. i didnt know what i wanted. and i was afraid of making a huge mistake if i took a risk. but my previous stance on taking risks was very optimistic. its different when youre in that position yourself. i decided to be completely honest about myself and to let God take full control of the situation. i tried so hard to focus on God and let him continue to use me in the lives of my friends. i wasnt as successful as i wanted to be. but God is faithful, anyway, just like always. and He is constantly pushing me forward. im still here for Him. and i always will be... i just feel like its time i took my life a step further and took a risk.

i waited to see what you would do. you had said you liked me and i enjoyed that week we spent together in florida. but ive learned that even if we did have something now is not the time for it. youre immature and dont have a clue what you want. thats no blow against you because youre a fun guy. just not a reasonable choice for someone to fall in love with right now. and im thinking thats what i want to try for. because its something i havent felt, if i ever have, in years.

maybe im really testing myself with seeing if i can handle a relationship and God at this point in my life. but it seems like i have so much excitement about everything right now that i just want someone to share it with. even more importantly, someone who wants to share it with me. someone whos sure. about what he feels now.

my point is this: after weeks of fighting, ive made a decision. and i know how i want my next few months to go. and i want to be next to you. you make me smile. you make me feel incredibly important. and i feel stupid for even thinking that this other guy could care about me like you could, and hopefully will.

so what do you say? wanna try this out?

:)