i want to feel You, i need to hear You.

so hi.
i hate the fact that my recent blogs have sounded so depressing. but thats usually when i need to vent. i promise i dont always feel like this. ha.

my insides feels like theyre moving so fast, just jumping around, running into each other, dying to get out. i dont know whats going on. im so frustrated. i really need that peace that only God can give. and as im typing, im crying for the first time in months.

i dont know what to do, what to think. i feel like i dont know anything. and that if it werent for God being here with me through it all, i would be completely incapable of everything.

cuz youre all i want, youre all i need.
youre everything, youre everything.

this song makes me want to just drop to my knees and cry for hours. i wanna be moved. i dont wanna be in this spot. where i feel like a failure. i need You to pick me up and bring me out of this. but i know that if You were gonna do that, it wouldve been done by now. so all i can ask for is strength, wisdom. the things ive seemed to really be without. the things that seem so far away. like ill never reach them.

i love You. and i know that You love me.



i want to thank my best friends for always being there for me.
Jessica, for supporting me in any decision i feel is the best one, and being my backbone in situations like this one.
Chantal, for always being willing to listen and give me those amazing hugs on sunday mornings that tell me not only are you always gonna be there, but so is He.
Amy, for not caring what a dork i am and letting go of yourself, allowing me to do the same.
Robby, for apologizing even when you have nothing to do with it.
Jared, for giving me the time i need to figure all of this crap out.
my parents, for letting me make my own decisions even when you dont agree. for wanting to spend time together. and for showing me how to truly live.


would you tell me, how could it be any better than this?

blogs really help chill me out.
it kind of gives me time to reflect. and in a way, one on one time with God.
He gets all the glory of everything thats ever been good in my life.
im nothing without Him. and i hope i never, ever forget that.

i think im gonna go on to church now.
i need to vent more by driving.