but this one i cannot claim even if i wanted to

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

despite so much thats been gnawing at me lately, i have had just that. and i am so thankful. i spent the weekend in Mobile, Alabama with what seems to be my greatest blessing ever. and i really believe that. my family is absolutely amazing. and getting together with them this weekend was the best thing that could have happened to me this christmas by far.

saturday night we had christmas. we did what we used to do every year, but we havent had time for lately. they will probably never know how extremely thankful i am that we had time for it this year. but it wasnt like it used to be. no, this time i understood it. i understood the meaning of family. i understood why i loved being with my family so much. the overwhelming feeling of joy, of peace, of love. of everything that God is. i saw it in my family. i felt it when Will was reading the christmas story. when we sang "hark the herald angels sing", "o come all ye faithful", and even "we wish you a merry christmas". i felt it when we took communion. and when we began to talk about it, i knew everyone else felt the same way. i cant explain it. it was amazing. my God is amazing.

then the next morning, we went to church. the church that ive been too so many times but can never remember who those old people are that come up to me every year and tell me how much im growing up to look like my mom. i hate that. its awkward. but this sunday was different. this sunday i walked into that church with my family and when worship started we worshipped our amazing God with all we had in us. because we knew we had so much to be thankful for. and being there worshipping with my family, was an amazing feeling. knowing that these people have the same desires that i have. that we all strive to live lives that are pleasing to God. that we long to be used by Him. that feeling, its incredible. and i dont even think i can explain it. not even in the least bit. but if theres some way that through reading this you feel His peace, His joy, or His amazing love, then i am overjoyed. because ive found this feeling and i dont want to lose it. and more importantly i want other people to have it! if you dont understand what im talking about or you think ive lost my mind, search for this feeling! search for the answer to whatever your question is. you need it. trust me. the only thing out there thats waiting for you if you dont have this is hurt and disappointment. and ive been there enough. i dont want to deal with it anymore.

this weekend in alabama was exactly what i needed. and God knew that. He got to me. boy, did He get to me. and i am absolutely in love with Him for it. im not worried about anything anymore. not a thing. im just excited to get back around people so they can see His love, joy, and peace in me.

im serious, if you dont have this... you cant not have this. pick yourself up right now and go looking for it. if you look for it and you really want it, youll have it. please, if you never listen to a thing i say, listen to me now. God wants you to have this feeling just as much as you want it. even more. because Hes just that good.

=]

i am genuinely happy. for the first time in a while.


I'm not one to pass the blame
But this is one I cannot claim even if I wanted to
There's something happening
There's something going on with me
And I think I like the view from where I'm standing

You are to blame for anything that is good in my heart
You are to blame for this change that has taken me by storm

There's one thing I am wondering
What exactly do You see that makes You want to stay?
I don't deserve Your attention
Why would You ever mention me?
Why You're treating me this way remains a mystery

And I feel like I can fly
Knowing I am Yours
And knowing that You're mine
I cannot ask for more