you gotta pull yourself back together

well, hello there.

i just felt like writing a blog. theres a few things... a few people... that have been on my mind. not to mention ive been kind of aggravated today. and i dont really have a reason to be.
actually, its been this whole week. i havent really been my regular self. i havent exactly been happy. and i dont like it. i dont like it one bit.

the hilight of my week was definitely seeing you. i hope you had an extremely happy birthday. you kept saying how thankful you were that we were there and how it meant so much to you, but to be honest it meant so much to me to just be able to be there. i am so proud of you. and i trully believe, now more than ever, that now is the best time for you to come back to us.

thank you, though, for being there for us. people dont respect you for all youve done and im sorry for that. i wish i could do something to make up for their lack of perspective.

i really like being friends with you. youre an amazing listener and youre one of those people that are completely genuine. i like being able to tell you things and not worry about them getting out. even to your best friend. ;] you need to come back and get un"grounded" so that we can start talking again. i think i have a lot to talk about. but first, do GREAT at your auditions this weekend. and have an amazingly fun time.

asldkfjasdlf.
i dont like not being close. but what am i doing? it wont help to sit here and whine about it. i feel kind of dumb for having high expectations. i just thought there was more to it than this. and the worst part is, none of this is your fault. i honestly have nothing to blame this on. besides the fact that i dont listen to myself in the first place. but, who wouldve though i would have ended up feeling this way? definitely not me.

if youve been telling me the truth lately, i want you to know that im relieved. if you havent been telling me the complete truth, i want you to know that im sorry if ive given you the impression that we have to agree on everything. more than anything, i dont want to see you hurt. and this is what its all about with me.

and you, you told me to not let you do this. and i think that something in you really doesnt want to go back to where you were. but i dont know how i can say no to something that you want. but we both know that this isnt the answer. and we both know its not where you should be right now. so whether you choose to or not, im still gonna love you. but i dont want to see you hurt either. im scared you might not be strong enough.

so im feeling a little stressed. life can get kind of rough sometimes. and this is why i love my God so. because whenever it gets like that i can always feel him telling me to hold on. that everything is gonna turn out fine. it always has. what makes me think hes gonna all of a sudden go back on his promises now? exactly. he never will. talk about something to live for. =]