This is my desire: To be used by You;

Happy Thursday! What an amazing week this has been. I feel so good. About everything.
Yesterday was mine & Jared's one year anniversary. It's weird saying anniversary because it sounds like a word that belongs to a marraige. Ha. But, no, we've been dating for year now. Well, a year & a day if you want to be specific. We have grown a huge amount. & we've learned so much. I'm really excited about the year ahead. We'll have a lot more chances to grow. & we're both wanting to really make this work. So we'll see how it goes. I know one thing: I am definitely in love with him. & I am going to be wearing my knees out praying for our relationship. Because it would be amazing to be able to spend the rest of my life with him.
I'm also reallyyyy excited for Sunday. I can't wait to be back at church. & Zack better be there. He was there last night but I was at Carowinds with Jared so I didn't get to see him. He promised he would be there so if he's not I will be quite upset.
Mom's birthday is Saturday. I'm not sure what we're doing exactly but I do know that whatever it is, it will be fun. I'm excited. I like hanging out with my parents. I'm glad I'm growing up.
On a sadder note, I just got word that Nelson & Shellie were in an accident earlier. I don't know too many details. I'm sure they're alright. But I can't help but have this pit in my stomach. I'm just glad the kids weren't with them. I couldn't imagine losing any of them. It was a scare. I hope they're alright. I'll be praying. You should too. If anyone reads this besides Chantal. Ha.
I'm going to trivia tonight with Jared & his friends. So I should probably go make sure I look decent. I was going to practice tonight. Maybe I'll pull out my clarinet for the next twenty minutes. Lord knows I need to.

We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary;

I don't think I'll ever get the hang of updating this thing frequently. But, hey, at least I'm still trying. :) Life right now is pretty good. I admit I'm a little uneasy about a couple of things but I'm trusting God with the outcome. We had an amazing Spirit-filled service on Sunday night. It changed me. Nelson said something that made me decide to really take a leap of faith & live for God instead of flirting with Sin. You see what I was doing was this: I was going as far as I could go without actually crossing the line. & I would tell myself that my relationship was alive & well because I wasn't technically doing anything sinful. But that was a lie. My heart wasn't in the right place. I was staying away from sin purely because I knew I had to. That's not the way God called me to live my life. He wants me to live a life that glorifies Him. What are people gonna see in me if I live almost exactly the way they do. They only difference between me and them is that I'm a virgin. So what. Plenty of people who aren't Christians are virgins. That doesn't mean crap. I'm ready to step out & live my life in a way that God is glorified in everything I do. I want people to actually see Him in me. Not just because I talk about Him but because they can feel Him when they're around me. Like Nelson said, I'm on this earth for a very short amount of time. Compared to eternity my life is but a blip on the radar. Why waste what little time I have trying to get everything the world offers whenever it doesn't last any longer than I myself do? Point is, I feel refreshed. I'm ready to walk in the Spirit daily. I'm ready to feel constant hope, joy & peace. I've been there before & I miss it. I'm sick of worrying about stupid crap all the time. So, like I said, I've changed.

Anyway, Jared just called & he & Robby want me to meet them at Sonic, I hope every one has had a good Tuesday.

Love!

& we wake up to the breakdown of the things we never thought we could be;

hey, howdy, hey! :D
i am sitting outside on my back deck on this lovely saturday afternoon. im kinda squinting cuz im not wearing my sunglasses. i dont want a tan line. those arent too attractive when theyre on your face. lol. at least its a little cloudy. so i dont have to do too much heavy squinting. anywayyyyy...

i havent done too much this weekend. close to nothing, actually. but i guess thats cool. i mean i only have a few more weeks to enjoy a carefree lifestyle. soon itll be time to welcome responsibility back into my life. ha. & although i saw its only a few more weeks its more like... (im counting...) five more weeks. blah. as close as it is i still cant really imagine what college is gonna be like. i guess ill find out soon enough.

i think i may be going over the jareds tonight. not to hang out with him though. ill be hanging out with his sister. he's filming. boo. ill be glad when this movie is finished. although, im sure it wont be too long until they start writing a script for a new one. oh well. its good for him though. to have a hobby. ill admit the main problem is that this time of the month leaves me feeling a little needy. being a girl isnt as easy as you might think. haha. oh look, there's the sun. :)

i need to get in the shower. but i really dont feel like it. gah, im getting so lazy. something needs to change! ive been sleeping til almost 12 everyday. & i rarely do much anymore. except for read & get online. occasionally ill watch a movie. & eat, i do that too. ha. im assuming that while im in college ill be extremely busy. & while i have a slight recollection of being extremely busy & not being too fond of it i feel like thatll be what my lifes about at the time; school. & itll be okay. cuz ill be too busy to miss home. at least thats what im hoping. & when i come home itll be a nice little break thatll make me thankful to have a home to come back to. :) ah, who knows whatll it be like? why am i even trying to figure it out? blah.

im running out of money quickly. im thinking about coming into the office for a couple of days next week to get a little extra cash. im starting to get a little worried that i wont really have what i need for my dorm stuff. im already having to take out student loans for $3200. which reminds me i need to get on that. first thing monday. i hope i can remember that...

well, i dont know how much longer my battery is gonna last & i really should go take a shower. since i may be going out somewhere tonight & there's no way im going out looking like this. plus the dogs next door are really annoying me with their doglike noises. haha.

i hope everyone has a great weekend. :)
im out!

pull off the bandage, there's no wound;

so i've been disappointed in myself a little bit lately. i mean, i've been posting a blog like once a month. that has got to stop. im gonna try to post every day! orrrr every other day? its just getting out of hand. i used to love doing this. what happened?!

i guess i could say A LOT has happened since ive posted a blog last but its so far gone now that there's really nothing to talk about. i guess the most recent news is of my personal growth. my recent realization. & since it is the hype of my life at the moment i would love to talk about it in this blog but its a bit too personal. just know that i have made a decision that i am very proud of myself for. a mistake i may have ended up making sooner than i would have like has been avoided for the time being. sure, God was practically screaming at me to get me to realize it was more serious than i thought but, hey, He got my attention didn't He? yes, He definitely did. i seriously dont know what id do without Him.

i just got back from greenville. i went up there with my parents for a little reunion. it was just a few people from the youth group they taught when i was like three. it was kind of weird because none of these people have really seen me since then. a little awkward. but it was on the lake. & the sun was out. & i had some amazing barbeque. so i guess it was alright. the trip home sucked, though. it seemed like it took forever. not like i had anything to rush home for; jared's doing his little filming thing. i hope i see him tomorrow before he goes into work. im starting to miss the kid. that part of college will definitely suck. but ill live. :)

anyway im gonna go make a pb&j & watch some episodes of greek. hopefully ill be back on soon. i know this one was kinda short... im sleepy.
hope everyones july is going well so far.
peace.