we'll look back someday at this moment that we're in;

happy saturday!
its been quite a while since ive updated, hasnt it? not like anyone really reads these things anyway. haha. maybe a few people.
so its kind of storming. i dont like storms. they make me nervous. at least its not a severe storm. id be extremely nervous. especially since im home alone. :(
i have done absolutely nothing today. i didnt even get out of bed until one. which means i slept for like 15 hours... holy cow. i just realized that. thats crazy. thats probably a new record, actually.
i wonder if my allergies had anything to do with it? those things are really really annoying me. i dont know when the "season" will end but i hope it does soon. cuz allergies are quite miserable. take my word for it.
so i feel like a lot has happened within the last month. not really around me so much as inside of me. like emotionally and whatnot. there's a lot going on. & most of it i dont really want to share. im going through a pretty huge change. its all really crazy actually. almost overwhelming. there's no telling what kind of person ill be in the next few months. i feel like its going to be for the better though.
jess & i visited winthrop again yesterday. im really glad we did because i was beginning to feel nervous about the whole college thing. going up there got me excited about it again. its going to be a good experience for me. & i know that whats meant to hold together while im away will. there's so much i want to say. but i wouldnt feel right about saying it right now. not while the person who needs to hear it first has yet to hear it. i dont know when ill be able to say it, either. i hope soon. im sure a lot will be said, learned, & discovered this summer. am i nervous about that? a little. i really don't have a clue how this summer is going to turn out. i do know that itll be the most memorable summer yet. & its going to change my life. i dont doubt it. in what ways, there's no way to really tell. its going to be a short few months. maybe too short. & in it will be moments that seem to last a lifetime. whether good or bad. im not scared. whatever happens for the rest of my life, i wont forget to keep pushing on. there's too much to life that's worth living. & i dont ever want to forget that.
i have a feeling that most of what i just said made absolutely no sense. haha. but when it comes to what was in my head, i know exactly what im talking about. :)
im starting to like country music. that probably doesnt mean anything to you. but to me, for some reason, it means i really have completely changed. ive realized so many things in such a short amount of time.

eight more days of high school.
22 days until i graduate.
marching band has started as of this weekend. & im not a part of it. i never will be. my time is up.

it seriously is time to move forward. im on my own. my parents have taught me so much over the past eighteen and a half years & now its my turn to take those lessons to heart. to chose whether i believe in them or not. my intention is to keep living life the way they taught me to live. i know ill make mistakes. but i dont want that to ever hurt our relationship. & i know they love me enough to not let that happen.

its a good feeling.

i should probably go clean my room now. i dont like the lightening... :/