there's a wave that's crashing over me;

& all i can do is surrender.

so i spent a lot of time at church today. & i was reminded of alot. one thing is that sure, im saved. & if i were to die right now i have no doubt that i would be going to heaven. but as a christian i have a choice. i can accept Him and just do enough to get by & still feel good about myself OR i can actually live for Him and act in ways that will glorify His name. and although the world gets busy and i find myself really comfortable with where i am, i just dont have peace without knowing that im living my life full out for the One who is gracious enough to give me that choice in the first place.

pastor chitty talked about six verses in the new testament that contain the words: "make every effort to". to me, those words seem like they would only precede something really important. a few of those things i have been lacking lately. like the second; obtaining and offering forgiveness. i usually have never had a hard time forgiving. but i realized today thats because ive never really been seriously hurt before. until lately, when i felt degraded and disrespected on a completely new level. ive been holding a grudge. & its been hurting me, i can tell. so i guess what i need to do now is talk to that person. although, i never want to be walked all over and, like everyone else, id like to be respected and appreciated, forgiveness is a big thing. its not something i, or any other christ seeker, can avoid. its pretty vital to a progressive relationship with God.

but this is a good thing. it means im actually making a sacrifice of myself for once. i dont feel like ive had to do that too much. its almost like everything has been handed to me over the past eighteen and a half years. although, i know thats not completely true i know that ive had an extremely blessed life. so i guess what i should be praying for over the next couple of months is the strength and wisdom to make the right choices went times get tough. because if you ask me, theyre only getting worse from here.

maybe im wrong. but at least ill be mentally prepared.

i was really comfortable at central today. i didnt expect to be. i guess i was wrong about that stage of my life being over. i believe ill have many more memorable weeks at that church. after all, just because im going to college doesnt mean i forget about family.

speaking of college, its definitely getting closer. i graduate in two months. and in two more months ill be moving to rock hill. i wonder what im gonna be feeling when its time to pack up and leave. i dont know if ill be excited or sad. although, im sure ill be both. half of the time i dont even know what im feeling at all, to be honest. either way, the whole college thing is going to be an experience and im anxious to see how its all gonna work out.

prom is in two weeks. it should be fun. we didnt get a limo because we're all broke. well, me and jessica are. but we're riding in an escalade. unfortunately i have to drive it. i might be driving something like an old person. but we'll get around in style at least! haha, sure...

im kind of tired. and im probably going running with jessica around one tomorrow. at least, i hope so. i need to start doing something active. i also need to start eating better. one of the things im looking forward to about college is access to the gym. that should be good for the both of us. lets just pray that we're disciplined enough to take advantage of it.

maybe i should go on to bed... ive been up since 730 anyway.
have a great night, loves!
:)