You are incredible.
seriously, i screw up way too much. but You never give up on me. ever.
i dont think i could ever thank You enough. youd think that all Youve done for me would give me an unavoidable (is that a word?) reason to serve You with all that i have. and yet i leave each sunday and nothings different. im just the same stagnant luke warm believer. but You're always, always there to pick me up. why does it take us so long to realize that You're all we could ever need? why does it take us being broken over and over again because of the same things for us to get what You want for us? i dont know the answer to that. but i do know that i can trust You to be there waiting for me to fall on You for the rest of my life. without You i really am nothing. im a useless mess that cant do anything but dig an even bigger hole for myself. thank You for being the amazing savior that You are. and for tirelessly shoving Your love and mercy in my face. i love You for it. and i cant wait to get even closer to You. because i know that thats when i will start to truly live.
You are my everything.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
man down
youre hurting me. i just wish you understood. i cant stand to see you this way. and youre like this way too much.
whatever you do please dont give up.
and please dont forget there are people who are backing you 100%.
whatever you do please dont give up.
and please dont forget there are people who are backing you 100%.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
"are you insane?!"
thats what i keep asking myself...
so, yesterday i got back from an amazingly fun trip to orlando. kind of last minute, wasnt really expecting much. boy was i wrong. it was definitely a memorable one, probably more than it shouldve been. im not gonna lie, it scares me. because before this trip and even a couple days into i had no doubt about what i wanted. everything seems to have changed now. not completely, but enough to scare me. not knowing what you want is a scary thing. especially when people's hearts are at stake.
i hope youre having an amazing time at the beach. really, i do. you havent been talking to me too much lately. i dont know what that means. the thing is i know exactly how im gonna feel when i see you again. and i know that whatever this is, its not going to get easier.
blah, life is confusing.
maybe its not life, maybe its just me.
im gonna go get my ben and jerrys and watch the bachelorette now.
haha, that wont help one bit.
but i missed it monday so i have no choice.
so, yesterday i got back from an amazingly fun trip to orlando. kind of last minute, wasnt really expecting much. boy was i wrong. it was definitely a memorable one, probably more than it shouldve been. im not gonna lie, it scares me. because before this trip and even a couple days into i had no doubt about what i wanted. everything seems to have changed now. not completely, but enough to scare me. not knowing what you want is a scary thing. especially when people's hearts are at stake.
i hope youre having an amazing time at the beach. really, i do. you havent been talking to me too much lately. i dont know what that means. the thing is i know exactly how im gonna feel when i see you again. and i know that whatever this is, its not going to get easier.
blah, life is confusing.
maybe its not life, maybe its just me.
im gonna go get my ben and jerrys and watch the bachelorette now.
haha, that wont help one bit.
but i missed it monday so i have no choice.
Friday, June 13, 2008
what you feel is what you are
& what you are is beautiful.
its been almost a week since ive blogged. ive had a lot of things to talk about, most likely. but it just wasnt meant to be said on here. it was meant to be said to my bestest friend in the whole wide world. i got to hang out with her yesterday and today and i loved it. summer is cool because we dont have school and all but its kinda sad because we hardly ever get to see each other. we both work, and she works random times, so its hard to get together at times. i had a lot of fun with her, though. she is an awesome friend. :)
im not blogging anything about you. i guess im scared of saying something stupid. since i now know that you read these things. its either that or youre extremely random. and, as random as you are, i believe its the first.
i saw kung fu panda last night. holy cow, it was freaking hilarious! im not gonna lie, i really liked it. it kept me very entertained. and i think if i were to watch it in the middle of the day it would be just as funny as it was at 11 o'clock last night. haha, well, maybe not AS funny. but probably really really close. im going to see it again in the morning. with my parents. im glad they want to go see it because im already dying to see it again.
i played guitar hero on xbox tonight. it was bad. i couldnt even play on hard. at all. not even one song. i think its harder on xbox? is that possible? or have i just gotten worse? ive finally come to the realization that in order to get better at that game im going to have to own it. and thats not something i see in the near future. because im broke. and i will be for quite a while. but, hey, who needs money?!
my computer has absolutely nothing on it. my dad erased all its memory and junk. at least that got rid of the trojans. ha. i was hoping that it wouldnt be able to be fixed so i could get my macbook early... didnt quite work out. but thats okay. ill get it soon enough. i dont want to think about how fast this years gonna go. its definitely bittersweet.
tomorrows the 14th. that means in three months i will technically no longer be a child. thats sad. i like childish things. haha. but im sure growing up will be fun? i know i have an amazing future to look forward to. i dont know where id be without Gods promises. seriously, i would be completely lost, if alive at all. thats not something i want to think about. im just so thankful to know Him. im so thankful to have a family who can trust God with their lives. nothing changes hearts more than actually seeing someone live life with God. talk means nothing. i can talk about God all i want. and sure, people might listen, but what do they get out of it? how is that going to prove to them that a relationship is something they trully want. maybe once they see me living day to day in that relationship then itll click. that somethings different. that theres something more to it. and then, maybe then, theyll get interested. and theyll feel incomplete without being around that complete joy and peace that comes with such a relationship. im so in love with that relationship. im so in love with who God is and what Hes done for not only me, but for my family and friends. i could not imagine my life without Him.
i think my family is poorer than we've ever been. but, we know that we can live without all the luxeries we've been able to afford over the past years. i believe we're happier now more than ever, and we're all so excited about what God has in store. i know i am.
its barely ten o'clock. and im not sure if im tired. but i have to be ready by like 10:30 so i guess i should go on to bed. i hate getting up before i want to. haha.
wow, im lazy.
its been almost a week since ive blogged. ive had a lot of things to talk about, most likely. but it just wasnt meant to be said on here. it was meant to be said to my bestest friend in the whole wide world. i got to hang out with her yesterday and today and i loved it. summer is cool because we dont have school and all but its kinda sad because we hardly ever get to see each other. we both work, and she works random times, so its hard to get together at times. i had a lot of fun with her, though. she is an awesome friend. :)
im not blogging anything about you. i guess im scared of saying something stupid. since i now know that you read these things. its either that or youre extremely random. and, as random as you are, i believe its the first.
i saw kung fu panda last night. holy cow, it was freaking hilarious! im not gonna lie, i really liked it. it kept me very entertained. and i think if i were to watch it in the middle of the day it would be just as funny as it was at 11 o'clock last night. haha, well, maybe not AS funny. but probably really really close. im going to see it again in the morning. with my parents. im glad they want to go see it because im already dying to see it again.
i played guitar hero on xbox tonight. it was bad. i couldnt even play on hard. at all. not even one song. i think its harder on xbox? is that possible? or have i just gotten worse? ive finally come to the realization that in order to get better at that game im going to have to own it. and thats not something i see in the near future. because im broke. and i will be for quite a while. but, hey, who needs money?!
my computer has absolutely nothing on it. my dad erased all its memory and junk. at least that got rid of the trojans. ha. i was hoping that it wouldnt be able to be fixed so i could get my macbook early... didnt quite work out. but thats okay. ill get it soon enough. i dont want to think about how fast this years gonna go. its definitely bittersweet.
tomorrows the 14th. that means in three months i will technically no longer be a child. thats sad. i like childish things. haha. but im sure growing up will be fun? i know i have an amazing future to look forward to. i dont know where id be without Gods promises. seriously, i would be completely lost, if alive at all. thats not something i want to think about. im just so thankful to know Him. im so thankful to have a family who can trust God with their lives. nothing changes hearts more than actually seeing someone live life with God. talk means nothing. i can talk about God all i want. and sure, people might listen, but what do they get out of it? how is that going to prove to them that a relationship is something they trully want. maybe once they see me living day to day in that relationship then itll click. that somethings different. that theres something more to it. and then, maybe then, theyll get interested. and theyll feel incomplete without being around that complete joy and peace that comes with such a relationship. im so in love with that relationship. im so in love with who God is and what Hes done for not only me, but for my family and friends. i could not imagine my life without Him.
i think my family is poorer than we've ever been. but, we know that we can live without all the luxeries we've been able to afford over the past years. i believe we're happier now more than ever, and we're all so excited about what God has in store. i know i am.
its barely ten o'clock. and im not sure if im tired. but i have to be ready by like 10:30 so i guess i should go on to bed. i hate getting up before i want to. haha.
wow, im lazy.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
i got the point that i should leave you alone
but we both know that im not that strong.
so last night i had an incredible time at courtney's graduation party. thanks for inviting me courtney, really. i need to go to more parties and make more friends. everyone there last night was pretty awesome. =]
i gave myself a headache on the way home. i think my music was louder than its ever been. and i think i figured out why i turn it up so loud all the time. i didnt want to have to think. i wanted the music to drown out my thoughts. because my thoughts can be dangerous sometimes. despite the headache, i still thought. i guess its something i cant run away from. and ill say only one thing on the matter that i thought of: the more im with you the more i see how much potential we have. but potential means nothing if you dont acknowledge it.
but compared to your eyes nothing shines quite as bright.
and when we look to the sky its not mine, but i want it so.
today's graduation. i dont think ill cry. because i dont think it ever really hits you that you might never see these people again. its probably the might the keeps the tears back. the hope that you will see them again. but chances are you wont. and theyll start their lives a year before you. and while youre stuck in high school getting everything you want without working too hard for it theyre out there racking their brains for the next step in fulfilling their dreams. and maybe, just maybe theyll give up. but thats not what you want to think about. you want to think about them all becoming doctors and senators and business owners just like they said they always would. even though you know some dreams will fall through. and some of your closest friends that youve spent the last three years with will not end up as happy as they should. you dont want to forget about them but you probably will. it happens every year, every graduation, every walk across that stage. and soon youll be focused on your own graduation and dreams. which may fall through. good thing theres a hope better than succeeding in the "real world". and no matter what dreams of mine fall through and dont, i will always have that hope to lean on. and thats something i will never forget.
good luck 2008 graduates! you guys are incredibly smart and have a very promising future ahead of you. you should be thoroughly excited! =]
i think thats good for today.
i need breakfast?
so last night i had an incredible time at courtney's graduation party. thanks for inviting me courtney, really. i need to go to more parties and make more friends. everyone there last night was pretty awesome. =]
i gave myself a headache on the way home. i think my music was louder than its ever been. and i think i figured out why i turn it up so loud all the time. i didnt want to have to think. i wanted the music to drown out my thoughts. because my thoughts can be dangerous sometimes. despite the headache, i still thought. i guess its something i cant run away from. and ill say only one thing on the matter that i thought of: the more im with you the more i see how much potential we have. but potential means nothing if you dont acknowledge it.
but compared to your eyes nothing shines quite as bright.
and when we look to the sky its not mine, but i want it so.
today's graduation. i dont think ill cry. because i dont think it ever really hits you that you might never see these people again. its probably the might the keeps the tears back. the hope that you will see them again. but chances are you wont. and theyll start their lives a year before you. and while youre stuck in high school getting everything you want without working too hard for it theyre out there racking their brains for the next step in fulfilling their dreams. and maybe, just maybe theyll give up. but thats not what you want to think about. you want to think about them all becoming doctors and senators and business owners just like they said they always would. even though you know some dreams will fall through. and some of your closest friends that youve spent the last three years with will not end up as happy as they should. you dont want to forget about them but you probably will. it happens every year, every graduation, every walk across that stage. and soon youll be focused on your own graduation and dreams. which may fall through. good thing theres a hope better than succeeding in the "real world". and no matter what dreams of mine fall through and dont, i will always have that hope to lean on. and thats something i will never forget.
good luck 2008 graduates! you guys are incredibly smart and have a very promising future ahead of you. you should be thoroughly excited! =]
i think thats good for today.
i need breakfast?
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