so ive been thinking...
1. i feel like crap for totally screwing my best friend over today. i dont listen enough. and im sorry. really i am. its something ive become used to doing and i need to really figure out a way to get it fixed. because i wouldnt want my best friend to treat me like that.
2. the world is against me today. ive been sneezing all day and my nose feels like its about to blow up. i never have allergies. whats the deal?
3. i dont see how this is going to be avoided. at least not for the next... like... year. maybe its just me. but its something. and if one of us is good at pretending it doesnt exist, you are. but even then... you arent that good. ha. personally, i like it. a lot. but maybe im over analyzing. right now im just kind of caught up in the idea.
thats it for now. just had to get some things off my mind. im gonna go watch the band video now. because that makes me happy.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
so please remember not to waste another day
Do you dream that the world will know your name?
So tell me your name.
Do you care about all the little things, or anything at all?
I wanna feel all the chemicals inside, said I wanna feel.
I wanna sunburn just to know that I'm alive,
Just to know I'm alive.
I wanna live just to see the day when we all get along.
I wanna scream, scream my song out loud for everyone to hear.
Do you believe, in the day that you were born?
Tell me, do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life?
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know never leaves too soon.
And you know the pain that brought you here today,
So what can you do?
And you know the tears for losing those you love
When yesterday is gone.
So please remember not to waste another day,
Not to worry your mind.
And please forgive me for taking so much time
To get back on my feet.
Don't tell me if I'm dying cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.
And I'll fight it out because I know I can.
And I'll sleep tight when you're not here.
Oh no, I won't surrender.
This is to one last day in the shadows,
And to know a brother's love.
This is to New York City angels,
And the rivers of our blood.
This is to all of us, this is to all of us.
Don't tell me if I'm dying cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.
so, that song is by thriving ivory. i dont really know why i posted it in a blog. i guess because i like it, and ive really got nothing else to do. haha.
me, jessica and alex went and got subway for lunch today. its nice to break away from school every once in while. its good that we only have 4 and half days left because if it were more i might have already thrown my work ethic out the window. and that would not be good for my gpa. i guess you can say that seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is keeping me holding on? i dont really care at this point, its almost over. =]
then i can concentrate on band and work. but mostly band. haha.
i cut myself with an x-acto knife in art today.
its little, but it burns. =[
im making a cardboard relief of outer space. its actually not that bad. like i said, the light at the end of the tunnel.
we have the spring game tomorrow. i hope its fun. i like football games. maybe ill get a taste of what its going to be like this season. im not worried anymore. i dont see why i should be, i mean, who wants to spend their whole senior year worried about how its gonna turn out? id rather spend my time enjoying it. personally. i feel like some of the seniors we are losing this year would be the ones to worry about the band all season if they were in my position. but then again, im not them so i dont know what theyd do...
dont get me wrong, i care about the band. but that doesnt mean i have to worry about it turning out bad? as long as we do the best we can to make sure everyone is having a good time in a great environment, what else can we do? after all high school sucks. and band is what you do to escape that. and i must say, its a pretty incredible way to escape. =]
i think i should go now? ill probably leave my house in like 20 minutes to go to church... probably.
have a good wednesday, kiddos.
So tell me your name.
Do you care about all the little things, or anything at all?
I wanna feel all the chemicals inside, said I wanna feel.
I wanna sunburn just to know that I'm alive,
Just to know I'm alive.
I wanna live just to see the day when we all get along.
I wanna scream, scream my song out loud for everyone to hear.
Do you believe, in the day that you were born?
Tell me, do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life?
Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know never leaves too soon.
And you know the pain that brought you here today,
So what can you do?
And you know the tears for losing those you love
When yesterday is gone.
So please remember not to waste another day,
Not to worry your mind.
And please forgive me for taking so much time
To get back on my feet.
Don't tell me if I'm dying cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.
And I'll fight it out because I know I can.
And I'll sleep tight when you're not here.
Oh no, I won't surrender.
This is to one last day in the shadows,
And to know a brother's love.
This is to New York City angels,
And the rivers of our blood.
This is to all of us, this is to all of us.
Don't tell me if I'm dying cause I don't wanna know.
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go.
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.
so, that song is by thriving ivory. i dont really know why i posted it in a blog. i guess because i like it, and ive really got nothing else to do. haha.
me, jessica and alex went and got subway for lunch today. its nice to break away from school every once in while. its good that we only have 4 and half days left because if it were more i might have already thrown my work ethic out the window. and that would not be good for my gpa. i guess you can say that seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is keeping me holding on? i dont really care at this point, its almost over. =]
then i can concentrate on band and work. but mostly band. haha.
i cut myself with an x-acto knife in art today.
its little, but it burns. =[
im making a cardboard relief of outer space. its actually not that bad. like i said, the light at the end of the tunnel.
we have the spring game tomorrow. i hope its fun. i like football games. maybe ill get a taste of what its going to be like this season. im not worried anymore. i dont see why i should be, i mean, who wants to spend their whole senior year worried about how its gonna turn out? id rather spend my time enjoying it. personally. i feel like some of the seniors we are losing this year would be the ones to worry about the band all season if they were in my position. but then again, im not them so i dont know what theyd do...
dont get me wrong, i care about the band. but that doesnt mean i have to worry about it turning out bad? as long as we do the best we can to make sure everyone is having a good time in a great environment, what else can we do? after all high school sucks. and band is what you do to escape that. and i must say, its a pretty incredible way to escape. =]
i think i should go now? ill probably leave my house in like 20 minutes to go to church... probably.
have a good wednesday, kiddos.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
=/
look, youre adorable and everything but...
that's my song.
i know its awesome and i dont care if you listen to it. but for some reason when you said it was your song it struck a nerve.
jealousy i guess.
im a baby.
im sorry.
that's my song.
i know its awesome and i dont care if you listen to it. but for some reason when you said it was your song it struck a nerve.
jealousy i guess.
im a baby.
im sorry.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
and i swear, we'll make it.
so i feel like writing a blog. because they're fun. and i have nothing else to do until my mother gets here. at which time we will watch american idol. then after that im going to bed. because im tiredddd.
band is going really well i think. so far i am having a blast with it! no lie. hopefully my enthusiasm will last throughout the season. i have no choice really. because if my enthusiasm doesnt last how can i expect the rest of the band's to?
ive learned a lot about myself over the past three days. one of them being that i actually can lead. i cant say that ive changed or become a better person because the truth is that im just being myself. really. i love teaching these kids. theyre incredible. and i just want to see them as in love with band as i am. because next year when i leave, theyll be in charge.
i dont want to leave. but ive got like 6 months left. im determined to help this band be ten times stronger than it was in the past. i want a state medal, im not gonna lie. but the journey to state is a whole lot more important to me than the result. i mean, its my senior year. and i dont want to miss a thing. im gonna make every single minute worth living. im serious about this.
8 and half more days of school! yay! the only class thats really annoying me is art. with 8 days left we still have like 3 projects to do. i wish she would just let us finish the project we're on now and then we'd have like a week and half for review. haha, wishful thinking.
so i love my best friend. very much. she's amazing. and i know that every day from here on out we will get closer. pretty soon we'll be sisters, inseparable. =]
all the leaders this year have been amazing so far. its so much fun working with them and i cant wait for the rest of the season! especially my life parter! =P
anddd of course, drum major number one! i cant believe this is it. its finally our year. what are we gonna do with it? we can do amazing things. i know we can.
i have a lot of excitement right now. but i dont want to lose sight of You. i really dont. because when i do, my whole world falls apart. as much as i love band, it cant hold me up like You can. i know that Youre always behind me to catch me when i fall. but i also know that i can easily forget Youre there waiting for me to fall into Your arms. i dont want that. i want to live life to the fullest and i cant do that unless im living it with You. Youre everything. and with You everything is attainable.
hey. i love band. you love band. we see each other because of band. band keeps us friends. band is awesome. you are awesome. im awesome? haha. lets keep this up. i couldnt imagine this season without you.
band is going really well i think. so far i am having a blast with it! no lie. hopefully my enthusiasm will last throughout the season. i have no choice really. because if my enthusiasm doesnt last how can i expect the rest of the band's to?
ive learned a lot about myself over the past three days. one of them being that i actually can lead. i cant say that ive changed or become a better person because the truth is that im just being myself. really. i love teaching these kids. theyre incredible. and i just want to see them as in love with band as i am. because next year when i leave, theyll be in charge.
i dont want to leave. but ive got like 6 months left. im determined to help this band be ten times stronger than it was in the past. i want a state medal, im not gonna lie. but the journey to state is a whole lot more important to me than the result. i mean, its my senior year. and i dont want to miss a thing. im gonna make every single minute worth living. im serious about this.
8 and half more days of school! yay! the only class thats really annoying me is art. with 8 days left we still have like 3 projects to do. i wish she would just let us finish the project we're on now and then we'd have like a week and half for review. haha, wishful thinking.
so i love my best friend. very much. she's amazing. and i know that every day from here on out we will get closer. pretty soon we'll be sisters, inseparable. =]
all the leaders this year have been amazing so far. its so much fun working with them and i cant wait for the rest of the season! especially my life parter! =P
anddd of course, drum major number one! i cant believe this is it. its finally our year. what are we gonna do with it? we can do amazing things. i know we can.
i have a lot of excitement right now. but i dont want to lose sight of You. i really dont. because when i do, my whole world falls apart. as much as i love band, it cant hold me up like You can. i know that Youre always behind me to catch me when i fall. but i also know that i can easily forget Youre there waiting for me to fall into Your arms. i dont want that. i want to live life to the fullest and i cant do that unless im living it with You. Youre everything. and with You everything is attainable.
hey. i love band. you love band. we see each other because of band. band keeps us friends. band is awesome. you are awesome. im awesome? haha. lets keep this up. i couldnt imagine this season without you.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
the hurler, furrito, and the high king.
so this weekend has been extremely busy for me. and i still have tomorrow before the weekend's over. then comes monday - wednesday, which is spring band camp. i am super excited about that by the way.
first comes friday. i went to carowinds with the chorus because we had a competition. the whole competition thing was just an excuse to go to carowinds and fulfill the need for thrill. ha, i rhymed. but anyhow that was fun. i made new friends. considering i dont have many in chorus. it was pretty crowded at times and we didnt get to ride everything. but we got ice cream and a superior, what else could you ask for?
while i was at carowinds i missed nearly 7 hours of leadership training which i kind of regret. when to got back to the school a little bit before 8 i joined the rest of the leaders, and Mr. Furrito, for the last half hour of training. Mr. Furrito wasn't annoyed that i was just coming in and was actually impressed that i had decided to join them after my full day. i felt kind of good about myself. so good that i didnt drive over the speed limit the whole way home. :)
when i got home i went straight to my room and did the homework for today. this took barely half and hour and i was so exhausted that i immediately went to bed. i was excited for today and i had every right to be.
today i got up, early for saturday, and even rushed a bit to get ready to make sure that i would be early for the second half of the workshop. i stopped by burger king to pick up some breakfast, which was delish by the way, and made it to school by 8:45. my confidence level was slowing rising and it felt good. throughout the entire workshop i hung on Mr. Furrito's every word. every sentence that came out of his mouth made complete since and i wish i had time to write it all down. it was really and enlightning experience for all of us and i cant wait to start the season as a team. i really feel good about our ability to lead this year. all i can do is hope that everyone is as serious about this as i am. and i feel confident; the workshop had a great effect.
after the workshop my parents and i went straight to see the new Narnia movie. and holy cow... it was amazing. seriously. i dont even know how to explain it.
do you see that guy? yea. im sorry David, but im gonna have to ditch you. this guys four years younger than you, hotter, and has a british accent. and who knows? maybe he can sing too. its funny to think that im probably one of the million and one girls who think that about him. but i am seriously attracted. too bad he lives across the atlantic ocean. its a shame he'll never meet me.
now i have to pick up my clothes so i can go to sleep. because im tired as mess. tomorrows sunday and i seriously cannot wait to be at church. ive learned so much this weekend about myself and whats important to me in life. and my relationship with God is something ive been neglecting. which i believe has been most of the reason for me being so lazy and careless lately. but i want to change that. so much. im ready for the huge change in my life. its so close. actually, its already started.
i think thats it for tonight.
it feels like i wrote a buttload.
first comes friday. i went to carowinds with the chorus because we had a competition. the whole competition thing was just an excuse to go to carowinds and fulfill the need for thrill. ha, i rhymed. but anyhow that was fun. i made new friends. considering i dont have many in chorus. it was pretty crowded at times and we didnt get to ride everything. but we got ice cream and a superior, what else could you ask for?
while i was at carowinds i missed nearly 7 hours of leadership training which i kind of regret. when to got back to the school a little bit before 8 i joined the rest of the leaders, and Mr. Furrito, for the last half hour of training. Mr. Furrito wasn't annoyed that i was just coming in and was actually impressed that i had decided to join them after my full day. i felt kind of good about myself. so good that i didnt drive over the speed limit the whole way home. :)
when i got home i went straight to my room and did the homework for today. this took barely half and hour and i was so exhausted that i immediately went to bed. i was excited for today and i had every right to be.
today i got up, early for saturday, and even rushed a bit to get ready to make sure that i would be early for the second half of the workshop. i stopped by burger king to pick up some breakfast, which was delish by the way, and made it to school by 8:45. my confidence level was slowing rising and it felt good. throughout the entire workshop i hung on Mr. Furrito's every word. every sentence that came out of his mouth made complete since and i wish i had time to write it all down. it was really and enlightning experience for all of us and i cant wait to start the season as a team. i really feel good about our ability to lead this year. all i can do is hope that everyone is as serious about this as i am. and i feel confident; the workshop had a great effect.
after the workshop my parents and i went straight to see the new Narnia movie. and holy cow... it was amazing. seriously. i dont even know how to explain it.
do you see that guy? yea. im sorry David, but im gonna have to ditch you. this guys four years younger than you, hotter, and has a british accent. and who knows? maybe he can sing too. its funny to think that im probably one of the million and one girls who think that about him. but i am seriously attracted. too bad he lives across the atlantic ocean. its a shame he'll never meet me.
now i have to pick up my clothes so i can go to sleep. because im tired as mess. tomorrows sunday and i seriously cannot wait to be at church. ive learned so much this weekend about myself and whats important to me in life. and my relationship with God is something ive been neglecting. which i believe has been most of the reason for me being so lazy and careless lately. but i want to change that. so much. im ready for the huge change in my life. its so close. actually, its already started.
i think thats it for tonight.
it feels like i wrote a buttload.
Friday, May 9, 2008
giants do die.
the bigger they are, the harder they fall.
im happy.
nothing really amazing has happened to make me that way. but i just am. which is pretty neat, i must admit.
im excited about the band banquet tomorrow night! i love those things! seriously. i think this years banquet is going to be the most emotional banquet ever. this year has been absolutely crazy. and so many of us went through so much crap. but we're alive. and we're all about to go through major changes, whether it be the totally new band program or college or even not being in band at all. im still a little upset at those people by the way... =P
i have this bruise on my leg. and i have no idea where it came from. it looks like it hurt really bad. i dont understand why i can never remember these things? over the past year i have learned how weird of a person i am. seriously, its ridiculous. ask my friends.
speaking of friends, i love them. and im glad i have them. i would say without them i would have probably had a mental break down by now but the truth is, i dont think i really share my emotions much. at all. i dont know why that is. i wish i could. i need to find out what it is that keeps me from being so open. because, that could be dangerous.
we have 16 days left of school. its getting pretty close pretty fast. which is great. its cool that i wont have to take any exams next year. i think thats going to be my favorite part of being a senior. i cant believe im almost 18. seriously, where did my childhood go? its crazy. my childhood was practically perfect. and i should thank God for that daily. unfortunately i dont get around to it every day. sometimes i barely even say a word to Him. which is completely unfair to Him! i mean, He only gave His life for me! but im working on that. and we're getting there.
my dad, calvin, and i are going to carowinds tomorrow for a few hours. which means i dont really get to sleep in... like at all. sucks. but its ok. i mean, its carowinds. even though ive been like a million times, its still fun.
...im excited about shooting ghosts on the scooby doo ride now. hehe.
goodnight world.
you're beautiful.
=]
im happy.
nothing really amazing has happened to make me that way. but i just am. which is pretty neat, i must admit.
im excited about the band banquet tomorrow night! i love those things! seriously. i think this years banquet is going to be the most emotional banquet ever. this year has been absolutely crazy. and so many of us went through so much crap. but we're alive. and we're all about to go through major changes, whether it be the totally new band program or college or even not being in band at all. im still a little upset at those people by the way... =P
i have this bruise on my leg. and i have no idea where it came from. it looks like it hurt really bad. i dont understand why i can never remember these things? over the past year i have learned how weird of a person i am. seriously, its ridiculous. ask my friends.
speaking of friends, i love them. and im glad i have them. i would say without them i would have probably had a mental break down by now but the truth is, i dont think i really share my emotions much. at all. i dont know why that is. i wish i could. i need to find out what it is that keeps me from being so open. because, that could be dangerous.
we have 16 days left of school. its getting pretty close pretty fast. which is great. its cool that i wont have to take any exams next year. i think thats going to be my favorite part of being a senior. i cant believe im almost 18. seriously, where did my childhood go? its crazy. my childhood was practically perfect. and i should thank God for that daily. unfortunately i dont get around to it every day. sometimes i barely even say a word to Him. which is completely unfair to Him! i mean, He only gave His life for me! but im working on that. and we're getting there.
my dad, calvin, and i are going to carowinds tomorrow for a few hours. which means i dont really get to sleep in... like at all. sucks. but its ok. i mean, its carowinds. even though ive been like a million times, its still fun.
...im excited about shooting ghosts on the scooby doo ride now. hehe.
goodnight world.
you're beautiful.
=]
Friday, May 2, 2008
it's may.
that means life should be getting a bit more exciting reallyyyy soon.
and by exciting i mean no school and more band.
ha, nerd much?
oh yes.
i have one more week at wendys.
tomorrow. and then one day next week i think?
i was able to get saturday off which means i get to go to carowinds.
yay.
so i just got home like half and hour ago and i was really planning on watching spiderman three but i think id rather just go to bed.
we have netflix now.
its neat.
i really had nothing specific to say.
i wanna see my kitty.
its like a week old now.
i cant wait for it to open its eyes.
i wrote a song yesterday.
then i tried to record it for my music myspace.
it sounded like crap.
haha, ill work on it.
im trying out for american idol by the way.
it would be neat to make it to hollywood.
actually it would just be neat to go and try out.
i just dont wanna embarrass myself.
that might suck.
ha, i had to use spell check to find out how to spell embarrass.
but now i know.
i have a lot of homework this weekend too.
relatively.
blah, im rambling.
goodnight.
and by exciting i mean no school and more band.
ha, nerd much?
oh yes.
i have one more week at wendys.
tomorrow. and then one day next week i think?
i was able to get saturday off which means i get to go to carowinds.
yay.
so i just got home like half and hour ago and i was really planning on watching spiderman three but i think id rather just go to bed.
we have netflix now.
its neat.
i really had nothing specific to say.
i wanna see my kitty.
its like a week old now.
i cant wait for it to open its eyes.
i wrote a song yesterday.
then i tried to record it for my music myspace.
it sounded like crap.
haha, ill work on it.
im trying out for american idol by the way.
it would be neat to make it to hollywood.
actually it would just be neat to go and try out.
i just dont wanna embarrass myself.
that might suck.
ha, i had to use spell check to find out how to spell embarrass.
but now i know.
i have a lot of homework this weekend too.
relatively.
blah, im rambling.
goodnight.
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