this cold air brings in such a distance to us.

i am so glad this semester is almost over. you have no idea. seriously, this has been the worst semester of my life! school work wise. the whole band season thing was pretty amazing. until we got to the bad part. haha, but you already know that story. i think i want to get some things out about a few people. i havent done that in a while. and i have some things on my mind. im not putting names for my own sake. but i really dont mind if youre going to try and figure out who is who. apparently, i want someone to hear me if im putting it on here.

1. You are still my everything. and i am still completely amazed at how good You are to me. im still incredibly thankful for Your grace. and im still completely in love with who You are. this will never change. i will change. and i will probably change more than i want to. but You will never change. and this is why You will always be my best friend. i love You so much more than i have ever loved anything. and i like that security.

2. you guys left two years ago. and all of a sudden youre back as if nothing ever happened. im so glad to have you back. i dont know what happened in you guys' lives while you were gone, but whatever it was i hope it was for the better. and so far, it seems that way. i still love you guys a ton. and your kids make me just as happy as they always have. i hope yall are here to stay. and i hope your family is completely open to Gods will. because we all know thats that only way to be trully happy.

3. we have been best friends for a while now. and im so glad we've gotten so close. you really are an amazing person to be around. everyone loves you! so i guess i should count it an honor to have you call me your best friend. =] but i honestly dont feel like i know you. i understand that secrets are important. and that you cant always feel comfortable telling one person everything about your life. but because i feel like youre keeping secrets from me, i feel like we've drifted. maybe thats just me. but we possibly have less than 2 years together and i dont want them to go to waste. i want you to trust me. i really do.

4. i think you are replacing her. and im not sure how i feel about that. i love her! so much. and i love you. but we have plans. plans that we are both really excited about. at least, thats how i see it. thanks for loving me. i know im not easy to be best friends with. ha. thanks to the both of you. i just know that our future holds a lot of good times. and im excited about it. i can see us being best friends for a really long time. and i am willing to teach you what i know. even if it isnt much. =P

5. what the heck have you done to me? i doubt you want to know, but ill tell you anyway. i know exactly what i want. and ive known it since august. and this is the first time in a long time that ive known what i want. and its still the same. however, it seems completely out of reach now. almost like a fantasy. or a celebrity crush. and yet, i want it. and i want it bad. ever since we went to lunch on that august afternoon and you laughed at all the stupid things i did, i knew that i wanted to be near you. that i wanted to fall in love with you. yea, i said it. and for some reason i cant get you out of my mind. and until someone better comes along, i wont be able to. maybe you should know that. im not sure. but if you happen to read this, then you do. the few memories that i have with you are a few of the best. and they make me want more. but it seems so far gone. please, let me know if im wrong. i know what i want. and you want the life you have. which doesnt include me. but dont worry about me, ill be fine. because if its not you, its someone else.

6. im hoping that you dont want more than what we have. because i really like being your friend. you tell it like it is. i feel like we can be completely honest with each other. and now when you graduate we will probably never talk to each other. haha. but, im glad we have gotten the chance to know each other. just, dont screw this up by thinking things that you have thought before. haha, if you get my drift.

ahhhhhh i have exams this week. but thats ok. im ready to go to church tomorrow. but im not ready to finish my history homework. even if it is the last history homework i will ever have to do! ah, that feels good to say. haha.

i saw Juno today. it was pretty cute. but i think i was expecting it to be cuter. id heard super good things about it. i guess people just have different tastes in movies. dont get me wrong, though, it was good. they were super cute together. but that one guy was a jerk.

meagan's gonna be here soon. i think im gonna go play some guitar or something. maybe ill write something new? maybe not. who knows.

i wish i could talk to you. i dont know anything about you anymore.
it sucks.