your palms are sweaty and im barely listening

i dont know how private this thing is. but a lot of the time i write like no one else reads it. which is weird because im sure of a few people who do. but i do it anyway. ...i wonder why. i honestly dont know.

i was with you for 5 hours today. but i swear, i never felt so distant. that may sound crazy or just plain immature. but its true. however, i wouldve rather been with you than not. the first half i couldnt bring myself to look at you for more than a second. and then when i thought about you not being there, i couldnt take my eyes off of you. trust me, im just as freaked out by this as you are. if youre reading this, that is. and the last thing i want to do is freak you out. because it seems like what i want more than anything right now is for you to stay. however, please dont feel any obligation about anything. that will only make it worse, i can promise you. being able to get closer to you over the past few months has been really great. and i thank you so much for that opportunity. im starting to feel things that i wasnt expecting. and im not telling you this so youll come running back to me. im saying thank you. you have things to worry about that may just be worth worrying about. and maybe theyre not. but only you would know the answer to that question. anyways, im hoping this isnt the end.

i told my parents that i would be eating dinner with them in 4 minutes.
i also have to go find some khaki pants to wear to work tomorrow. yay, im finally making more money. haha. and meagans coming over later. thank God. seriously, having a best friend is a huge blessing. however, i havent done a bit of homework today and theres no way im gonna have time to do it tomorrow with church AND work. so ill probably be doing it while meagans over. after we go get the pants and talk about girly things. i can already tell you the subject of the night, since she doesnt know yet.

on top of all of that crap i gotta do, im super tired. that getting up at 4 is starting to get to me. or maybe its the whole playing football part. i didnt do much, but i still hurt. haha. thats not a good thing. i need to get into shape.

my food is getting cold.