He never gave me a reason to ever doubt Him ;

The past two days have been incredible. My God has shown up like I never thought He would. I knew He was perfectly able. I just didn't believe I deserved it. Because I don't. I was expecting to spend weeks in prayer, seeking God with all that I am, begging to feel his presence again. It amazes me how, after my borderline rebellious attitude, that it only takes a few sincere words to feel close to Him again. I have felt so alive the past couple of days. Realizing that I couldn't go on the way I was, I didn't want to fight to breathe anymore. Not only did I want to breathe, I wanted to live again.
Yesterday morning at church we sang "Beloved". My first encounter with the Holy Spirit was the first time I heard that song. I remember kneeling & crying out to God, feeling him wrap his arms around me and tell me He wanted nothing more than to have a relationship with me. I felt that again yesterday. I was reminded that God loves me so much. So much more than I will ever deserve. Despite my attitude, He still has a plan for my life. A huge weight that I had been carrying, uneccesarily, was lifted off of me as I let the tears flow.
I said it before & I'll say it again; My God works miracles.
His grace is far more than I could've ever imagined. Knowing, from experience now, that He really is only a prayer away. No matter what I've done, if I trully want to be near Him all I need to do is ask. Who wouldn't want that?
Today has been filled with everything that the past few weeks have been lacking: Joy. Peace. Confidence. Motivation. Strength. Everything I've been trying to achieve on my own. All it took was a broken cry to my loving God. The One who never wants to see me struggle the way I was struggling. The One who was just waiting for me to realize I needed Him.
The difference in me in astronomical. & almost instant. I cannot get over how incredible He is. I am constantly amazed by who He is.
I know that I will face plenty more struggles in my lifetime. I may encounter some before the week ends. But right now I'm on a high. I've experienced God's grace in a completely new way. I hope I don't forget how He can change me. Because I need Him. I can't live this life without Him. & the fact that He wants to walk beside me every step of the way is completely irrational. How can He love me that much? I don't know, but I don't have to. Because He does. & that's all the matters.

Thank you, Lord, for a new day.
One filled to the brim with everything You are.
I couldn't ask for more.
<3