after all this time, i never thought we'd be here;

well, howdy. how ya doin?
so i tried to take a nap earlier but it didn't work out. i couldn't sleep. i dont really know why. but i hate it when that happens. i wanna talk to my boyfriend. i dont remember the last time i did. other than text that is.
holy cow, guess what! im going blonde tomorrow. how crazy is that? really crazy, i know. im actually pretty nervous about it. but im sure it wont be like hideous. so itll be okay. at least, i think im going blonde. as long as jessica's not mad at me anymore. i think she'll be fine. if she is mad, however, i dont think ill have a problem making her unmad. maybe if she'd check her facebook every once in a while... geez. lol.
jared doesnt get off work for a while. i think i may go get some chips & queso and watch an NCIS or something. i wish it was monday. because then i could watch the bachelorette. & i love the bachelorette. i know, im a weirdo. but hey, i wouldnt exactly be me if i wasnt! :)
church picnic tomorrow. its been a while since we've had one of those. it makes me excited, though, because i like playing volleyball. it makes me feel good about myself. even if i do suck at it. im gonna be blonde though. & people are gonna talk to me about it. thats the only thing thats gonna suck about changing my hair color: drawing attention to myself. blah.
next week i get to start planning all the stuff for my party. im excited. not as excited as i was, though. cuz now my family isnt coming up for graduation. & i was reallyyyy looking forward to that because i haven't seen them since thanksgiving. i miss them. lots. but, its okay. i'll see them eventually. plus im not too sure im ready for them to meet jared yet. its nothing against him, of course. im just... not sure im ready. lol.
speaking of jared, he invited me to go to the beach with his family next month. i would love to go. i just dont know how its gonna sit with my parents. & plus i really need to find a job. & it may not be good for me to take off. i would love to not have to work at all this summer. it would be so awesome to just enjoy my senior summer. but, unfortunately, there's college stuff that needs to be paid for. & im sure ill still have plenty of memorable moments in the next couple of months.
yes, im done with high school. forever. its an extremely weird feeling. i dont even know how to digest it quite yet. but maybe after i walk across the stage it will all make a little more sense to me? who knows...
anyways, chips & queso. sounds like a plan.
peace out.

we'll look back someday at this moment that we're in;

happy saturday!
its been quite a while since ive updated, hasnt it? not like anyone really reads these things anyway. haha. maybe a few people.
so its kind of storming. i dont like storms. they make me nervous. at least its not a severe storm. id be extremely nervous. especially since im home alone. :(
i have done absolutely nothing today. i didnt even get out of bed until one. which means i slept for like 15 hours... holy cow. i just realized that. thats crazy. thats probably a new record, actually.
i wonder if my allergies had anything to do with it? those things are really really annoying me. i dont know when the "season" will end but i hope it does soon. cuz allergies are quite miserable. take my word for it.
so i feel like a lot has happened within the last month. not really around me so much as inside of me. like emotionally and whatnot. there's a lot going on. & most of it i dont really want to share. im going through a pretty huge change. its all really crazy actually. almost overwhelming. there's no telling what kind of person ill be in the next few months. i feel like its going to be for the better though.
jess & i visited winthrop again yesterday. im really glad we did because i was beginning to feel nervous about the whole college thing. going up there got me excited about it again. its going to be a good experience for me. & i know that whats meant to hold together while im away will. there's so much i want to say. but i wouldnt feel right about saying it right now. not while the person who needs to hear it first has yet to hear it. i dont know when ill be able to say it, either. i hope soon. im sure a lot will be said, learned, & discovered this summer. am i nervous about that? a little. i really don't have a clue how this summer is going to turn out. i do know that itll be the most memorable summer yet. & its going to change my life. i dont doubt it. in what ways, there's no way to really tell. its going to be a short few months. maybe too short. & in it will be moments that seem to last a lifetime. whether good or bad. im not scared. whatever happens for the rest of my life, i wont forget to keep pushing on. there's too much to life that's worth living. & i dont ever want to forget that.
i have a feeling that most of what i just said made absolutely no sense. haha. but when it comes to what was in my head, i know exactly what im talking about. :)
im starting to like country music. that probably doesnt mean anything to you. but to me, for some reason, it means i really have completely changed. ive realized so many things in such a short amount of time.

eight more days of high school.
22 days until i graduate.
marching band has started as of this weekend. & im not a part of it. i never will be. my time is up.

it seriously is time to move forward. im on my own. my parents have taught me so much over the past eighteen and a half years & now its my turn to take those lessons to heart. to chose whether i believe in them or not. my intention is to keep living life the way they taught me to live. i know ill make mistakes. but i dont want that to ever hurt our relationship. & i know they love me enough to not let that happen.

its a good feeling.

i should probably go clean my room now. i dont like the lightening... :/