i let Your hand become my help;

i dont have a lot of time. in fact, i should probably already be done with my homework and headed to bed by now. but im a senior in high school; what am i good for if not to procrastinate?

here's the deal. im going through something. i really am. my mom has been sick for a while now. soon after i had my dizzy ordeal she started it too. the only problem is hers causing other things and sometimes these things are a lot scarier for her. and for the rest of us. i try to play it off by saying things like "oh, you're a freak, its all in your head." because a lot of her stuff is psychological. but that doesnt change the fact that shes hurting. shes really sick and no matter how much i play it down its there. and its a struggle for her, its a struggle for my dad, and recently its proven to be a struggle for me. i dont know how much more of it i can take. its like every other day shes laying on the couch sick and i just get so aggravated that theres nothing i can do. shes been to the doctor and they havent done crap for her. we're just racking up bills and no one knows whats going on. and im fed up. i really am. and yea, im praying, and i know if anyone can fix my mom, God can. its just hard for me. i love my mom and i dont ever want to see her in pain. i know im a cause of extra stress, especially with all this senior stuff going on. i just dont know how to handle this. all i can do is pray. im not gonna lie, its hard.

and although there is probably a lot more on my mind, i really need to get my homework done so i can be prepared for school tomorrow. i find i sleep better when ive done everything thats due the next day.

that's about it for this one.