run away & give me your sneakers;

i'm in love.
i didnt know if you guys knew that or not, but there it is.

i need chapstick. so maybe i should get off my lazy butt and go and get some... sounds like a plan...

so im sitting here on my bed. doing pretty much nothing. its nearly midnight & i have no clue what im doing tomorrow morning. i dont know what service im going to. i dont even know what church im going to. heck, i dont even know if im going to church at all! i guess i could make that decision on my own, but for some reason i dont really want to. i just kind of want to sleep and wait until my mom wakes me up and gives me choices. is that so wrong?? ha.

my dad was in the hospital last night. he has a history of heart problems in his family. they ran some tests and stuff. they said he was fine. im extremely relieved. i dont know if i can deal with all of that. and one day i probably will have to deal with stuff like that. but now wouldnt be a good time. at this point in my life my parents, besides God, are my only true security. my world really would fall apart.

i think the school year is gonna go by really fast from here on out. which makes me happyyyyy. i dont know how much more i can take. i think im more excited about summer than college to be honest. though, i am excited about college dont get me wrong! im just looking forward to the freedom that summer brings. the freedom that i can experience with my best friend and my boyfriend. whom i love. dearly. i hope i have those two in my life for a really long time. :)

i have iss on monday. how crazy is that?? i got caught for skipping band last week. the ironic thing is that i was actually skipping for a good reason for once. usually we just skip to go out to lunch or just cuz we feel like it. i had to get my graduation money from the house. and i got caught. sucks a little. but at least it gives me time to do some make up work. and i dont really have to do my homework tomorrow because i wont be in class monday. see, theres always a positive. ha.

we only have two weeks until spring break. yay. :)
my plans for spring break are pretty simple so far. i know me and jess want to go to the beach for a day or two. we probably wont stay overnight or anything since we aren't exactly rich at this point in our lives. and we also are gonna go find a new job. wendys hasnt scheduled me for like a month. but im actually okay with that because i absolutely hate working there. i havent decided, though, if they do put me on the schedule for this up coming week if im gonna go ahead and work or just quit. i guess it all depends on how i feel. i may be in an "i need money" mood. or i may just be in a "ugh, i dont feel like going into work" mood. chances are it will be the second one. especially since im expected to get my tax money back any day now!

i also ordered my phone today. which is amazing. i cant wait to have a phone that works. i really am getting tired of this one cutting off all the time.

i think im tanner now than ive ever been. which is really weird. kind of scary, actually. since ive only been tanning for a week. but ya know, im gonna die eventually, right? ha. kidding... maybe.

i feel kind of tired. but i dont feel like going to sleep at all. hence the writing of the blog. but maybe i should go to bed... blah. i dont know. i dont really have anything else to do except for watch a movie. and as soon as i put it in ill fall asleep. so i might as well just go on to bed now.

have a good night.
:)

i let Your hand become my help;

i dont have a lot of time. in fact, i should probably already be done with my homework and headed to bed by now. but im a senior in high school; what am i good for if not to procrastinate?

here's the deal. im going through something. i really am. my mom has been sick for a while now. soon after i had my dizzy ordeal she started it too. the only problem is hers causing other things and sometimes these things are a lot scarier for her. and for the rest of us. i try to play it off by saying things like "oh, you're a freak, its all in your head." because a lot of her stuff is psychological. but that doesnt change the fact that shes hurting. shes really sick and no matter how much i play it down its there. and its a struggle for her, its a struggle for my dad, and recently its proven to be a struggle for me. i dont know how much more of it i can take. its like every other day shes laying on the couch sick and i just get so aggravated that theres nothing i can do. shes been to the doctor and they havent done crap for her. we're just racking up bills and no one knows whats going on. and im fed up. i really am. and yea, im praying, and i know if anyone can fix my mom, God can. its just hard for me. i love my mom and i dont ever want to see her in pain. i know im a cause of extra stress, especially with all this senior stuff going on. i just dont know how to handle this. all i can do is pray. im not gonna lie, its hard.

and although there is probably a lot more on my mind, i really need to get my homework done so i can be prepared for school tomorrow. i find i sleep better when ive done everything thats due the next day.

that's about it for this one.

& i'll keep on singing because You hear me;

so i just got a phone call from the district...
we dont have school tomorrow.
thats cool because i will definitely enjoy the time off. however, ive been told that the next weather makeup day is on a saturday. im not coming to school on a saturday. ha. maybe i was told a lie.

so we had region band this weekend. it wasnt as fun as the usc clinic. and plus we kind of sucked. i was supposed to feel talented being in region band wasnt i? ...didnt quite feel it. i was almost embarrassed. but we really didnt do TOO bad on the actual concert. which is surprising. i never heard the girl next to me play. ha. im sure she did though.

we saw push friday night. that was probably the best part of the whole weekend. it was a reallyyyy good movie! i wasnt expecting it to be good at all. so i was very surprised. i enjoyed it. you should go see it. :)

i went to church for the first time in forever this morning. it was very nice. i hadnt really realized how much i missed being in Gods presence. i dont see how i can stay away from that for so long. im gonna try really hard to get back to where i was not so long ago. my life has gotten so busy lately that i ended up putting my relationship on the backburner. and as convenient as it was, it was only hurting me. so i decided to put it first. i know Gods gonna take care of me. Hes gonna take care of everything; my grades, money that i need, my job, band stuff. Hes not gonna let me down and i dont understand why i forget that. to think that i can handle it all by myself is absolutely insane. but then again we arent as smart as we should be.

so im gonna go ahead and admit that im addicted to diet dr pepper. i dont know if i could go a whole day without it. or at least some kind of diet drink. its crazy, i know. but thats how it is right now. maybe one day i will try to quit drinking it so much. but for now, im okay with it. ha.

im giving up chocolate for lent. at least, im trying to. i accidentally had chocolate milk for breakfast. its hard for me to remember. but ill get the hang of it soon enough. its the effort that counts anyway, right? yea... sure. ha.

im extremely thankful for everyone that Gods put in my life. i really do have an amazing group of friends and family that do an incredible job of supporting me. i just wish that i could be that for them. sometimes i dont do an amazing job. ha, but im trying. because the one thing i want out of life is to see other people happy. and if i can do that for them, then i will be perfectly happy myself. at least, thats how i feel. im not making any promises. ha. i dont make promises too often anymore. ive broken too many in the past. and i see what that does to people. and as a result, to me. so im very careful about that. besides, no one really knows what will happen.

if anyone reads these things & has a few blank cds lying around... i would LOVE some new music. i get tired of listening to the same stuff after a while. i got a little bit this weekend but i could always use more. :)

i think im gonna go do something a little bit productive...
have a great sunday!

oh!
i almost forgot...
do you like the new layout??