So, this is it. The last few hours of 2009 are finally here. I literally can't believe it. This year went by so extremely fast. And it seems that the person I was at the beginning of the year is so drastically different from who I am now. My life is different in so many ways. And yet, some things are the same. Which I am thankful for. They keep my sane.
I can't begin to go into detail of why this year was so epic for me. There are just a million and one things that have gotten me to the place I am at this very moment. I know I didn't always make the best decisions & to know that I am no where near too far gone at this moment is such a blessing. I have a chance to do better. A chance that I so want to take. If I have a will strong enough to change, God has given me that opportunity. And, boy, does He deserve for me to take that chance. And I would be so stupid not to. So my prayer for the new year: strength.
I have no idea what it's going to feel like when the clock strikes twelve. I wish I knew what kind of emotions I am going to have but I just don't.
People aren't necessarily liars. Life does get complicated. And it gets complicated quick. I've seen that happen so many times in the lives of those around me. Those I'm close to. All in the span of 12 short months. And, sure, it's gotten pretty complicated for me too. But I just can't help but see my life as one huge blessing. I really thank God for that outlook. I wouldn't be me without it. And I couldn't imagine living life any other way.
At this point in my life it seems like, more often than not, I'm trying to catch a glimpse of what's ahead for me. I think another goal for the new year should be for me to enjoy these next two semesters of college. It's always good to keep the end in mind, especially when I get discouraged, but I shouldn't let another year pass me by while I'm frantically looking for what my life is going to hold five years down the road. I need to learn to enjoy every moment. Not just for myself, either. Imagine how many people I would pass up who simply needed to be loved if all I'm concentrating on is my future. That's not what I'm called to live for. God will take care of my future for me. It's good to know I can trust Him with my life. It's just not always that easy to let go.
My parents and I are leaving the house in less than thirty minutes so I reckon I should get ready. Did I mention I can't believe 2009 is over already?
Lord, I need you in 2010 more than I've ever needed you in my entire life. Stay next to me, please. I can't live this life with You. I never want to go a day without the joy and the peace You provide. Give me the wisdom I need to reach others the way You're calling me to. Because I don't know the first thing about people. Teach me how to love. Teach me how to live.
Yours forever,
Hannah <3
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