but we've got our love to pay the bills;

wow.
so i just had like the craziest weekend! it definitely had its ups and downs. i like to refer to it as an adventure. if any of you get the chance to go to the USC band clinic in the future, do it. it was worth a weekend of no sleep and no pay. it was even worth the very uncomfortable migraine i experienced yesterday. really.
it kinda felt like i was on my own walking around columbia like that. it was a good experience. it was way too cold, though. and i didnt take ANY pictures. thats crazy. cuz i usually take a buttload.

my jeep is at lauren's house. its been sitting there since yesterday morning when i met her there. when i go get it later on the seats are probably gonna be really cold. im kind of dreading that moment. im also not looking forward to telling my mom that i need her to take me over there to get my jeep. i was gonna ask jared to take me but he's sick. poor thing. :(

i have to get a new clarinet this summer. i really want the new buffet that just came out. its called the limite or something. its like the r13 but its about 800 dollars cheaper. the problem is that i dont know how im going to come up with over 2,000 dollars by the summer. especially since im not working too much right now. but ya know, God provides. and i'll spend what money i have at the end of the summer on a clarinet so i wont be embarrased when i show up for my first lesson at winthrop. could you imagine me showing up with a plastic clarinet? haha, that would be disgustingly awful.

i still have to mail out my taxes thingy. i keep forgetting to ask dad what to do. ha. i also have to do my current events and precal homework. i missed a precal quiz on friday. it seems like every day i miss that class, i miss a quiz. then i take it a day later and end up making lower than i would like. silly math. im doing good in there though. i have a good teacher. who makes it really easy. so far anyway. i still have a few months to go.

man, i cant wait to graduate.
really, though.
if june 8th were tomorrow, that would be great.
fantastic.

i should go talk to my mom about going to get my jeep now.
see ya.

how would i know the morning if i knew not midnight?

so, happy wednesday! i know i had a good one! it was the best day this week actually... well if you include last night into today. which wouldnt exactly be fair because that was yesterday. you wanna hear about it dont you? well, as soon as i get back from the bathroom ill tell you all about it! ive been drinking a lot of water lately...

okay, i feel much better now.
my day (and i guess last night too):
so the happiness all started last night, after practice of course. practice is a whole different story. and i dont know if ill feel like telling that one after all this. anyway, so after practice i came home and got ready cuz jared was taking me to chili's. thats my favorite place to eat. he's an incredible boyfriend, really. <3
so we go to chili's and it was a lot of fun. i feel like the more we're around each other the more we open up and its gotten to the point where we can really be ourselves around each other. which is completely amazing. i cant even explain how happy i am when im with him. so we went to chili's and we ate. i told him to get something different, cuz he always gets those fajitas. he's not very good at the whole improv, on the fly kind of stuff so i try to help him spice things up a bit! lol. so we ate, and it was good food. he told me lauren eats everything in the house so he took my leftovers home for her to eat. funny stuff. oh and i guess it was kinda late so we weren't getting ice in our drinks. it was funny. we were all joking around like "did they run out of ice??". so i go to the bathroom and i come back and jared has ice in his tea and im like "what?! where did you get that??" apparently a manager came by and jared was like "did you guys run out of ice?". lol. so he got ice. i thought it was a good story. so on the way home we joked and stuff and all i kept thinking about was how lucky i was to be in a relationship with this amazing guy.
wow, enough about all that. sorry, guys.
so today:
it all started with me getting to go play jazz at the elementary schools. yay jazz band. i was kind of nervous at first. and at red bank there wasnt really anything exciting about it. but when we got to carolina springs i felt really important. the kids there were enthusiastic and i really had a great time playing for them! when i was watching student-teacher interaction my heart got so full of excitement. i realized that i really DO want to be a teacher and i really want to teach kids that age. after seeing that i am SO excited about teaching! i dont know how in the world im gonna be able to wait 6 years before i get to be in that position. geez, im just so excited! its good because, ive had my doubts about it. i never ever thought i would be a teacher. the whole thing is just crazy. but, AH!, im thrilled. i cant wait to get to college and get out and start working! :]]

anyways, after playing we didnt really want to go to 2nd block so lauren spires and lauren foulks and i went to sonic for a java chiller, mmm, and then to walmart. i was looking for ideas for valentine's day stuff. i didnt get much. but im sure ill come up with something...
then we came back for band class. which was cool. i love our music. and spencer is always so much fun to sit next to! i am really gonna miss her. she has been a good friend of mine since the 3rd grade. college is definitely bittersweet. i have to leave so many amazing people behind! :[
after class jessica, lauren, and i went to subway for lunch. i didnt do my econ homework so when lauren suggested we dont go to class i was like "im in!". so needless to say i didnt go back to school. well, to get my car. but thats about it. it was a good day. i was hoping my movies would come in the mail today, in fact i was pretty sure they were going to. i was wrong. kinda bummed. but i watched the secret life, american idol, and the bachelor.
man, i cant wait to see monday's episode of the bachelor. its gonna be really good, i can tell.

im leaving here soon. to go to church. i hardly go anymore! i need to get back into that routine. really. because it does make a difference in me. whether i want to admit it or not. i dont want to be like everyone else. and when i feel like im drifting that way i get really frustrated with myself. some things in me need to change. i know that. i just dont know whats gonna happen next. i know what needs to. but i dont know if im gonna do what i know i need to. i dont know why... it just needs work. that's all. I need work.

ive had a good afternoon off. but when i get back from church i have homework i should do. i have this map that was due in regional studies at least a week ago. i dont even know if he knows i havent turned it in yet. he's a weird person. regional studies is a weird class. im in a weird mood about school now a days. some people refer to it as senioritis. i guess that fits.

my future:
it looks bright.
it looks exciting.
it feels so close.
it also feels like i have a dark, dense patch of... something... that i have to push through before i can get to it.

so, here i go.
ima keep living and get one step closer to my future.

& i never met a toby that i didnt like;

howdy. how are things? its been going well on my end. life is pretty busy, but whats new? the only complaint i have right now is that im not spending enough time with God. its like, the busier my life gets, the more i put Him on the backburner. i realized that this morning at church. it stung a little bit. i mean, i knew it before. because im smart like that. but i actually felt him telling me. so yea, it wasnt too fun of an experience. so i know i need to spend more time with him. i need to get back to reading... its been a few days since ive done that. because ive been going to bed really late. looking back on it, it doesnt make much sense. i mean ten more minutes isnt gonna hurt me. in fact the way i wouldve used it, it wouldve helped me. tremendously. us humans are idiots. and thats a fact.

i have some homework to do. i havent really looked at my planner since friday so i dont know exactly how much. i have my current events printed out but i havent started to summarize them yet. of course, that doesnt take too long. and tonight will be the first time im doing it before the day its actually due. ha. thats something to be kind of proud of. right? sure.

i took a three hour nap today. i still think im gonna be ready to go to bed at normal time. maybe ill be able to talk on the phone a little bit tonight. its been a while since ive done that. with me and jared both working and going to school and me having indoor on top of all of that its a little harder to see each other these days. its okay though, we're doing good. im very pleased with where we are right now. i wouldnt want it any different right now. its amazing how much God puts up with our crap. i mean, i dont deserve all this but He's given it to me anyway. how can i not love Him?

i haven't finished the twilight series yet. how crazy is that? i stopped reading breaking dawn right in the middle. i havent picked it up for like a month. thats how busy my lifes been. and i just finished putting my music on my computer tonight. i really dont ever remember being this busy before. welcome to life, i guess. ha.

so im probably not gonna get to spend time with jared on valentine's day. thats wonderful... not. kinda ridiculous. i mean, i understand this stuff. so its not gonna bother me too much. like new year's. i didnt get to see him then either. i can handle it. im not one of those people that freak over every little thing. i mean, i know he wants to be with me too so its not a big deal. life is just crazy sometimes. but if things keep going the way theyre going maybe next year itll work out better. ha. there's no telling.

im really curious to see whats gonna happen over the next few years. in every aspect of my life. even the next year is going to be FULL of changes for me and the people around me. its crazy to think about, really. i want to approach life with an open mind. i dont want to miss out on anything that God has for me. i want to be really close to Him before i leave. i know how important that is. and i really do want my life to be the best it can be. and in order for that to happen, i need to be connected to the One who knows best what life has to offer.

its eight. i should probably get started on that homework. maybe ill have time to get back into breaking dawn. i really do wish i had the time to read. i like reading. ha.

anyways, have a good night.
:]