a short story i wrote for english class;

Caden’s Call

As a teenager I had always dreamt of being a mom; a mom of three healthy and beautiful kids. When I met my husband, Devin Ferris, that dream became even more real. I fell in love and I began to see my future in full focus. I saw a loving husband, a comfortable home, and kids who would allow me to experience a love I had never known before. Shortly after we graduated from college Devin and I decided to get married and make that future a reality. Once Devin was settled into his new career, we tied the knot. The honeymoon was the fairy tale I always dreamt it would be. I couldn’t have asked for a better start to my future.
However, my future had a lot more in store for me than I had ever even thought possible. Things I wasn’t ready for and that I never thought I would get through. Nevertheless, those things happened and they hit me and my family full force. Caden’s story is one that is meant to be told.
On April 18, 2001 Caden Michael Ferris was born. The pregnancy went as smooth as it could go and labor didn’t last more than 3 hours. It was the easiest first child experience a mother could ask for. I felt on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down. When I held my baby boy in my arms for the first time I was sure that this was what I was put on the earth for. My call in life was to raise this beautiful boy. And nothing was going to keep me from doing that to the best of my ability.
Walking through the door to our home for the first time as a family is a memory I will never forget. Devin and I were all smiles for days. As we placed our newborn son in his crib next to the teddy bear his grandmother bought him, we knew this was where we were meant to be. It was impossible to hide our enthusiasm for the future.
The first two years flew by faster than we wanted them to. We saw Caden grow what seemed an inch every day. We went through most of his firsts and had them all on video. He grew more handsome by the day and Devin and I were already considering planning for a new addition to the family. Being parents was what we lived for.
Devin and I tried for months for a new child. Apparently, our timing wasn’t exactly right so we decided to wait a little longer. We came to the conclusion that maybe God had something else in store for our family.
When it was time to put Caden on the school bus for the first time my heart felt as if it were torn into pieces. It didn’t make it any easier on me when I tried to explain to Caden why he had to leave his teddy bear at home. Ever since we placed him next to that bear on day one, he hadn’t let it out of his sight. It was his life-line. He called it Tubby and swore up and down that that bear needed him. I’d heard about children being attached to blankets and such but this connection seemed a lot stronger. However, since before he could understand what we were saying, Devin and I had been teaching Caden to be loving and compassionate. We didn’t feel that we needed to separate the two just yet.
A week later the school nurse gave me a call. She said that Caden came to her office after he had thrown up in the bathroom. As soon as I hung up I got in the car and headed to the school. When I got Caden in the car, with a paper bag just in case, I noticed how pale he looked. It worried me, as it would any young mom.
When I got inside I carried Caden to his bed and told him to get some rest. Then I went downstairs to call the doctor’s office. I wanted to make sure that this wasn’t the flu or anything that would last longer than a day or so. I made an appointment for later that afternoon and called Devin to let him know of the situation shortly after. He said he would be praying and suggested that I do the same. After checking on Caden, and finding him asleep, I went to my room to do as Devin suggested.
Caden was still sleeping when it came time for his appointment. I gently lifted him into his car seat and told him that if he felt like he was going to get sick to let me know. The ride was throw up free and that made me hopeful that it was only a 24 hour bug. By the time we pulled into the parking lot, Caden was fully awake. Though he didn’t have much more color in his face, he seemed more like his joyful self. Walking through the office door I noticed Tubby positioned tightly in his arms. I began to wonder if he would ever leave that raggedy bear behind.
We waited for nearly an hour before the doctor called us back. It was abnormally busy for a Wednesday afternoon. But then again, I didn’t spend much time in the doctor’s office so I wouldn’t really know what busy looked like. I was nervous; probably more nervous than even Caden was. The doctor drew some blood and said he was going to send it off to do some testing. He gave me a large list of problems that could be causing Caden’s discomfort. At the top of that list was a 24 hour bug. We left the office in good spirits and I was already planning dinner in my head on the way home.
Pulling into the driveway I glanced back and noticed that Caden was fast asleep. He had had a long day and I was sure his body was worn out. It looked like I would only be cooking dinner for two tonight.
After dinner Devin watched the news and I went to bed early. I went straight to my Bible and felt like I really needed to spend some one on one time with God. I didn’t get much free time these days. Being a mom was definitely a time consuming job. After I read I began to pray. I felt that God was telling me to draw closer to Him. He was telling me that Devin and I needed to strengthen ourselves and open our hearts to what was ahead in our lives. As soon as I was done, I went and shared this with Devin. He agreed that we needed to prepare ourselves. He didn’t have a clue why but he reassured me that whatever it was, we would get through it together.
Sunday morning Caden was feeling a great deal better so the three of us got up and went to the early service. We were almost out of the door when the three of us became the four of us. Caden was so close to leaving Tubby behind.
After worship, the pastor introduced a missionary couple from Kenya. They spoke about the orphanage that they had constructed there four years ago and thanked the church for their prayers and funds to make that happen. Though it was only June, the couple told the church about their Christmas program for the orphans. The children had nothing before the orphanage. And even now with a place to stay, they didn’t have much more than food and a few pieces of clothing. Toys and games were things that the kids only heard about.
On the way home all Caden could talk about were the orphans. He asked a million questions. How did they live? Could we visit them? Have they ever tried Fruit Loops? What do you mean they’ve never seen a movie? Devin and I were very proud of the interest Caden showed in helping others. During the blessing at lunch I made sure to thank God for giving us such a wonderful son. Of course, I couldn’t leave out Tubby. We thanked God for him too.
Not even an hour after lunch, we got a phone call. It was from Caden’s doctor. He asked us to come in tomorrow so we could talk about the test results. I was anxious to know how things turned out but the doctor wanted us to come in to discuss it. This made me very nervous. Devin and I found it hard to concentrate on normal Sunday things such as watching football or cleaning the house. We finally decided to take Caden to the park. Maybe some fresh air would do us all some good. Besides, Tubby was starting to stink up the house. Sooner than later I was going to have to find a way to get that bear in the washing machine.
The next day we made our way to the doctor’s office as a family of four. Caden, Devin, Tubby and I walked into the office with smiling faces. Underneath it all I was shaking. Every other breath was a plea to God for the test results to be normal. I knew Devin’s feelings couldn’t be far from mine. I also knew that Caden didn’t know what was going on, and for that I was so grateful. At times like these I wished I had my own Tubby to hold onto.
Caden played with the kids in the “well room” while we talked to the doctor. He said there was no need for serious alarm but that the possibilities were there. He wanted to take another blood sample and send it back to test two or three more times. Though he didn’t want us to panic, he wanted us to be aware of his concerns. Devin and I were speechless.
When you see your future life as a young wife you don’t account for curve balls. You don’t account for those moments where your plans that once meant everything to you become completely insignificant. You don’t account for the unexpected conversations that suddenly turn your world upside down. And you most certainly don’t account for your one and only son, the love of your life, your sole reason for being, to be diagnosed with leukemia.
The ride home was silent. Caden didn’t understand but he was tired so he was out before we reached the first traffic light. I fought to keep the tears back. After all, the doctor said it was only a possibility. My thoughts went back to what God had told me a few days ago. I wondered if this was what he was preparing me and Devin for. As if he knew what I was thinking, Devin took my hand and didn’t let go until we pulled into the driveway.
We had chicken nuggets and macaroni for dinner. The table was quiet except for Caden who was singing one of his made up songs. I loved his imagination. After breaking away from my thoughts, I finally heard what Caden was singing about. Apparently one of the kids at the doctor’s office had ripped Tubby’s arm. In his song, Caden said it was an accident. I smiled at his innocence.
After dinner I asked Caden if he would let me fix Tubby’s arm and he gladly agreed. I told him I would sew Tubby up like new and have him ready for breakfast in the morning. Although Caden wasn’t too happy having to sleep without Tubby for the night, he knew it would be best for Tubby so he surrendered. I took the opportunity to put Tubby in the washing machine after I sewed his arm back together. While taking him out of the dryer I noticed that he had a small hole in his back. A little stuffing had been lost but I was sure Caden would never notice. I hated to make Caden wait until morning so I sewed the hole in Tubby’s back and brought him into Caden’s room. I laid down with my baby boy until he fell back asleep. It was three in the morning by the time I made myself get up and go to my own room.
It was nearly three weeks later when we got the call. The test results were final and it was just as we feared. My baby had a killing cancer inside of his fragile body. I set up the first appointment for treatment with the office secretary and spent the summer morning with Caden just as if it were a normal Tuesday. Once I was able to get him down for his nap, I went to my room. I sat on my bed staring at the wall for over an hour. The first thought that I remember thinking since I got the call broke the coma I’d been in for hours: It was very possible that Caden would never see his fifth birthday.
It all seemed so unfair. Why would God bless me with a beautiful boy that I gave more of myself to than I even though possible, and then take him away before I even got to know him? These questions didn’t stop until I heard a light knock on my bedroom door. I looked at the clock and it was past four in the afternoon. I hadn’t even called Devin yet. I got up, walked to the door, and picked up Caden in my arms. I kissed his forehead and looked into his gorgeous blue eyes. He didn’t have a clue. I prayed that he would stay oblivious to this as long as possible. I didn’t want my baby to meet the real world just yet.
“I love you so much, baby.” I almost whispered it.
“I love you too, mommy!” His smile broke me completely.
Months passed. It was nearly Thanksgiving and Devin and I had pushed everything aside to be with Caden as much as possible. The treatment hadn’t worked. Our little family of four spent every night in prayer. Caden now understood what was happening. He was still the same Caden Michael Ferris that I had known before the leukemia and I thanked God on a daily basis for that. It was nearing the end and we all knew. We weren’t even sure if he was going to make it to Christmas. Devin and I contemplated having Christmas a few weeks early just so he would have that one last memory. Or maybe it was for us.
Caden was a rare boy. He didn’t want a traditional Christmas. He wanted to spend Christmas in Kenya with the orphans. Ever since he heard the missionaries, they were all he thought about it. Devin and I know for sure that if God allowed Caden to live long enough, he would have dedicated his life to those orphans.
It’s amazing that Tubby survived all of Caden’s treatment. We didn’t have the heart to strip Caden of his one comfort during his hospital days. Tubby knew all the nurses and all the nurses knew Tubby. He definitely kept our spirits high throughout those tough months. A teddy bear that once was a smelly nuisance became the source of joy and hope; almost as if a part of Caden’s soul was sewn inside.
When the time came to say goodbye to Caden it took all we had to be strong for him. Devin and I wanted to retreat to our home and cry until we couldn’t cry any more. This was our son. He was our life.
Caden was such a strong boy. Maybe it was that same innocence that I love that spared him from the fears and uncertainty of death. His faith allowed him to believe that death is easy and painless. He would soon see us in Heaven. The closer it drew to that final moment, the more I held onto his promise. Devin and I had to constantly remind ourselves that it was not the end.
It was on the very last night that Caden handed Tubby to me. I couldn’t hold my tears in any longer. He knew he was going home. He managed to force the words to tell me that Tubby wanted to go to Kenya. I knew what he meant. He wanted Tubby to keep the orphans company.
Devin and I spent the night in the hospital room. We woke to find our baby boy’s body cold and pale. That wasn’t our Caden. We knew exactly where our son was.
The very next week we packed our bags and bought plane tickets to Kenya. It wasn’t enough to send Tubby in a box. Tubby was way too special for that. And Devin and I wanted to meet the orphan who would call Tubby his best friend. We needed to tell him Caden’s story. Such a special boy was not meant to be forgotten.
Once we arrived in Kenya we met the missionary couple and they welcomed us into their home. After dinner we made our way to the orphanage where Devin and I met and fell in love with nearly 20 orphaned children. We told them Caden’s story and each one of them shared true concern for us.
Since that day, we’ve only returned to the United States to sell our home and say goodbye to our friends and family. Devin and I truly believed that our calling in life was to be parents. Even when our plan of having three kids didn’t work out, we were able to raise the most compassionate boy that this planet has ever seen. Caden taught us more in his short five years of life than we could’ve ever learned on our own. God blessed us with Caden who led us to our true calling, orphans in Kenya. Now we have 20 orphaned children and we love every single one of them more than we ever thought possible. We know that Caden is smiling down from Heaven and we don’t go a day without telling him how much we love him. Until we see him again we will be doing what he would be doing if he were still alive: showing unconditional love to anyone who is willing to accept it.

life is a day that doesnt last for long;

so i listen to my itunes on shuffle all the time. and right now one of the songs from the lord of the rings soundtrack is playing. its not very good blogging music... i think ill wait a few minutes. something good should be on soon.
be patient?


what is this? some weird african song came on. i think it came with the computer... lets give it one more chance. if its still crappy music im just gonna write. or at least attempt to.


actually, this song reminds me of superstars of dance. i love that show. i didnt watch tonights episode yet though, so dont try to talk to me about it. in fact, i just watched last weeks episode today. i know, im a slacker. i watch so much tv now a days. its crazy. i watch FOUR shows on monday nights. and i watch two on tuesday nights. of course i usually record them and watch them throughout the week. or online. i watch the bachelor and superstars of dance online. cuz my tv wont let us record/watch more than two things at a time. gay.

alright, a normal song finally came on. its not a favorite. and its not really the mellow kind that i like to listen to when blogging, but it will do:

so its 11:44. im no where near tired. ive been sleeping til noon lately. i really wish i wouldnt. i mean, seriously, does my body really need 12 hours of sleep four nights in a row?? i wish it wouldnt. i feel like im missing out on a lot. i used to love sleeping in whenever i could. but i dont know... things change.

new song!

i went to jareds house for the first time ever tonight! well technically i guess thats not true. cuz i took lauren home the other day. saturday was it? yea, saturday. point being i went over, had dinner, watched a movie, met the parents, that kind of thing. i was sooo nervous! you dont even know. i mean, id met them once before but it was only for like a second and me and jared hadnt been dating long so they probably didnt think much of it. but i went, i ate, i watched, i met, and i had a good time. im glad that first meeting is over. its always a tough part. haha, and here i am talking about it like ive done it a million times! only once. it makes me wonder how jared felt the first time he met my parents! we weren't so super close back then so its not like he was able to tell me, "hannah, im nervous." of course not, he sucked it up like the incredible guy he is. he showed no signs of nervousness. but, i know he had to have been.

ugh, i dont like this song very much. i used to listen to christian rap a lot back in the day. i loved it. ask chariti, in the third grade for career day i came as a christian rapper. ah, good times. i still cant believe how old i am! it feels like just yesterday i was trading food under the table in the red bank cafeteria. crazy. life is insane. i love it. but it has its share of curve balls. this blog seems pretty scatter brained. i used to write better than this. it makes me wonder if AP english has actually had a degenerating effect? kidding. sort of. i love glassmans class. sometimes.

im getting tired of the gay songs that are deciding to play while im blogging...
really, it makes the whole experience less tasteful. so im gonna go do something else. i dont even have lyrics for a title yet! i guess ill just have to throw something random out there.

peace.

close up camera one;

its been a while since ive written. and since lately i usually write when i have a reason to, such as venting, which is a very good reason i might add, i figured i would just vomit out random thoughts for a bit. something a little different.

my life seems to be going well at the moment. my dad got a job about a week ago and its bringing in the extra income that we've been without for the past few months. im sure that will make things a little easier on us as a family. i went back to wendys today to get my job back, too. this is good because ill finally have some spending money. if it werent for jared taking me out all the time i wouldnt have had a social life these past few months. although, i dont know how much of a social life it is when you only hang out with one person. which isnt true, sometimes jessica would get so bored that she'd take me out too. haha. either way, i enjoy my "social life".

ive been seeing jared quite a bit lately. its not gonna be as easy now. we both got our jobs back. and we both have school. unfortunately his school work is a lot more time consuming than mine. i think we'll be lucky to see each other once a week. im not gonna lie, its gonna be kinda hard. but maybe only for a little while. i mean, im sure its something ill get used to? either way, i dont have a choice. i mean eventually im going to college an hour away and who knows how often ill be able to see him then. i really hope we're still together by then. i dont see myself losing interest or anything but the weird thing about life is you honestly never know what's gonna happen. and that is exactly why i wouldnt be able to survive without the hope that God gives me. once again, i am extremely thankful for all Hes blessed me with. i want to grow so much. ive been trying to read the Bible more. because everytime i would ask Him to prepare me for whats ahead, whatever it may be, i felt like He was telling me to read His word. it took me a while to figure out that He really was telling me that. that that really is the best way to prepare for things. even though the book is thousands of years old, its amazing how God uses it to teach us new things. of course, amazing is an understatement of what God really is. i wish i had a bigger vocabulary.

im really excited that im about to start my last semester of high school. its gonna fly by, i know it. especially with being involved in indoor. as soon as that ends itll be spring break and then time for prom and then the band banquet, which i am thrilled about, and then boom! im out. graduating. wow. its still hard to imagine how old i am. ha. i remember looking up to seniors as, even a freshman, and thinking they were so old. in reality, they werent. they were just as immature and ignorant as i am now. which, i mean, it could be alot worse. haha. point being, life is more than i ever expected it to be. it trully is an adventure. it sounds so cliche, but i dont know how else to put it.

anyway, i have half a plate of cold food waiting to be taken to the kitchen. and there are still a few NCIS episodes that i havent watched. so i think im gonna watch one and crash. im gonna freak if i sleep twelve hours again tonight. im ready to be over this sickness. the whole dizzy thing is getting old.

goodnight.