oh, would it be alright if we didnt say goodbye this time?

wow. obviously ive been really busy lately. because its been over a month since ive posted anything. its reasonable to say that i have a lot to talk about. and yea, i guess i do, but half of all the things that probably need to be talked about most likely wont be. i cant say why that happen exactly, but it does.



the big news is i went to new york. and i had an absolutely amazing experience. it was probably the best trip ive ever taken. but it was bittersweet. im scared to mention why for the fear that others might think things about me that arent true. or maybe they are true. i dont even know. but thats normal for me.



a few days in the big city seems to have been just what i needed. i mean, id like to think that i figured something out while i was away. but theres no telling with me. all i know for sure is that i loved being in new york. and i wouldnt have traded that experience for the world. i really wouldnt. in fact, i would do it again tomorrow without hesitation. however, i doubt i could live there. i dont have the patience. ha.



there's a picture of the city from the top of the rockefeller center. that was probably my most favorite part of the whole trip. i had never seen anything more breathtaking. who wouldve thought that industrialization and technology could be so gorgeous? it was definitely a shocker for me.


ill be honest you were kind of getting on my nerves. i dont know what it is. maybe its just awkward for me. but after a while i didnt want to be around you because i couldnt take it. i dont want to ask you to stop though, because i know its not that easy. you cant just stop. i just have to change something with me. because its not gonna work this way.


i have no earthly idea how to feel about you, on the other hand. youre crazy. and this whole thing came from out of no where. and its like im stuck in the middle. i couldnt possible choose which way to go with it right now. in fact i feel like it will be a while before i figure out what is going on. if theres one thing ive noticed about myself within the past year its that i dont know what i want. and this is probably the weirdest thing ive ever been through. ugh.


i started thinking about you again. and that just throws everything out of wack. i hope youre doing great. we hardly talk. and i would be lying if i said i didnt miss it.


i just want everyone to know that i feel completely blessed. my best friends are absolutely amazing and it feels like every second that im with them is the most fun ive ever had. i love them to death. i wouldnt trade them for anyone else. honestly. theyre great.


despite all the change we've been forced to deal with lately, i dont think im used to it. im not ready for more change even though i know its coming. im tired of it. i want something consistent.

and i feel kind of far. i dont know what it is. obviously its not you. youre still there, and even though i cant feel it, i know it. so i guess ill just wait. i dont know what im doing but i hope it doesnt involve giving up in anyway. theres no way i could make that stupid of a move. at least thats what im hoping. ah, please dont let go. please.


i have concert festival in the morning. im kind of excited. i get chick fil a for lunch! haha. =]
good times.