it can make you face all your fears

i wish i had more time to write...
even though i dont have much to talk about right now. well, i say that, but by the time im done with this i will have probably said a lot. thats usally how it works. things just kind of come out.

the first thing on my mind as well as probably the other 130+ people that are involved with the band: state. gosh, i dont even know where to start. its never seemed so attainable before. i like it, alot. but im scared. ive gotten to the point where i really really believe we can take it. and if we dont, ill be super disappointed. so i guess i have no choice but to put my all into it so that theres no doubt we will win it. it makes me wonder how many other people want it as bad as i do. because we need more than just me putting in my all to beat those other bands. we really are a team. i love it when you call us champions. i love it when youre proud of us. and i cant believe theres only one more week left of this amazing season. i wouldnt have traded it for anything.

seniors! i love the freaking crap out of all of you. im gonna cry friday night. im gonna cry a lot. and then im gonna cry even more on saturday night. hopefully, though, it wont be because of disappointment. i so want to win this for you guys. ya'll are so great and youve worked so hard. i really think this is our year. thanks for being such an amazing senior class! =]

im skipping first and second block tomorrow. im not ready for either one of those tests. and im not staying up til 2 again tonight to study for them. i could barely study 30 minutes ago. im way too tired to make my brain work. and you can probably tell by the way this blog sounds. haha.

im frustrated that i cant be in easy classes right now. im frustrated that all three of my classes require a lot of work. because i cant make the grades im used to making. but i honestly dont think one quarter of slacking will ruin my whole education, so i think ill let it slide. i promise that in a week i will work harder. ill have nothing else to put my time in besides school and it will be my primary focus again. im glad my parents understand that. however, if mrs howell doesnt change the 54 i have in her class im gonna flip. if she doesnt change it on her own, im sure i can get mr pace to. i mean a 54? thats ridiculous. its not the least bit fair to give me a zero because i cant show up to a performance. im sorry, but band is way more important to me than chorus. i just signed up because i didnt have another embeded class. is it bad that i dont have a problem saying that to her face? im pretty bold when it comes to talking to her about how i care about band way more. but she still likes me, so its all good. im pretty sure most of my teachers dont like me. but i dont know why. maybe its because i dont do much work... yea, maybe thats it.

well, i think ive said enough for today.
goodnight, world.


...i just realized i could say a lot more.
and you would probably read it.
but i think ill just wait.