nobody gets us...

"...but thats okay.
its all overrated."


wow.

ok so, bands over.
it went way too fast, and ended way wrong.
but ive been talking about it for the past 24 hours so id rather drop the subject.
its not doing me any good.

im hoping i have a lot to look forward to.

im sick of:

1. homework.
2. judges.
3. football.
4. feeling icky.
5. and never getting to sleep in.

im ready for:

1. thanksgiving.

basically, thats all im promised right now.
i love thanksgiving... i love seeing my family. and this year theyre coming up here. =]
i cant wait to show them our show and how we got severely screwed over.
oh wait, i said i was dropping the subject.

its hard to drop a subject that youve devoted the past 5 months of your life to.

thank you to all of the people out there who care about me.
i love you guys, a lot.
i dont know what id do without you.

hey, lets get to know each other now that we can.
im looking forward to that.

haha okay so i just put a bunch of random thoughts down.
and i think im done.

have a great day.

=]

it can make you face all your fears

i wish i had more time to write...
even though i dont have much to talk about right now. well, i say that, but by the time im done with this i will have probably said a lot. thats usally how it works. things just kind of come out.

the first thing on my mind as well as probably the other 130+ people that are involved with the band: state. gosh, i dont even know where to start. its never seemed so attainable before. i like it, alot. but im scared. ive gotten to the point where i really really believe we can take it. and if we dont, ill be super disappointed. so i guess i have no choice but to put my all into it so that theres no doubt we will win it. it makes me wonder how many other people want it as bad as i do. because we need more than just me putting in my all to beat those other bands. we really are a team. i love it when you call us champions. i love it when youre proud of us. and i cant believe theres only one more week left of this amazing season. i wouldnt have traded it for anything.

seniors! i love the freaking crap out of all of you. im gonna cry friday night. im gonna cry a lot. and then im gonna cry even more on saturday night. hopefully, though, it wont be because of disappointment. i so want to win this for you guys. ya'll are so great and youve worked so hard. i really think this is our year. thanks for being such an amazing senior class! =]

im skipping first and second block tomorrow. im not ready for either one of those tests. and im not staying up til 2 again tonight to study for them. i could barely study 30 minutes ago. im way too tired to make my brain work. and you can probably tell by the way this blog sounds. haha.

im frustrated that i cant be in easy classes right now. im frustrated that all three of my classes require a lot of work. because i cant make the grades im used to making. but i honestly dont think one quarter of slacking will ruin my whole education, so i think ill let it slide. i promise that in a week i will work harder. ill have nothing else to put my time in besides school and it will be my primary focus again. im glad my parents understand that. however, if mrs howell doesnt change the 54 i have in her class im gonna flip. if she doesnt change it on her own, im sure i can get mr pace to. i mean a 54? thats ridiculous. its not the least bit fair to give me a zero because i cant show up to a performance. im sorry, but band is way more important to me than chorus. i just signed up because i didnt have another embeded class. is it bad that i dont have a problem saying that to her face? im pretty bold when it comes to talking to her about how i care about band way more. but she still likes me, so its all good. im pretty sure most of my teachers dont like me. but i dont know why. maybe its because i dont do much work... yea, maybe thats it.

well, i think ive said enough for today.
goodnight, world.


...i just realized i could say a lot more.
and you would probably read it.
but i think ill just wait.

i need you like the rain.

ive missed you. i didnt noticed it that much. but today, i realized, i missed you a lot. you're so completely amazing. how you made this weekend work out to be so great. how i thought tonight was gonna be a waste and you showed me the complete opposite. how i can be so involved with everything that i think is so important in my life and youre just patiently waiting for me to share it with you. how can you be so great? theres so many things i cant comprehend about you. there isnt any word to describe how good you trully are. how much you trully care. and how youre goal is to see me trully happy. but its more than that. so much more that there isnt any word or phrase in any language to express it. you are beyond understanding. and please, stay that way. i need you here. i need you to follow me around when it seems like ive sprinted off the line and left you behind. i need you to constantly be whispering in my ear how much you love me and how everything is gonna work out even when i have so much going on theres no way i can possibly hear it. just to know that thats who you are gets me through the day. just to know that you have supplied me with everything i could ever need. all this crap that i could live without and youve given it to me anyway. nothing compares to you. absolutely nothing. i dont even have to ask you to stay because i know for sure that you will never leave. take me down whatever path you choose. because as long as youre there it doesnt matter. because where you are, i feel alive. i felt alive tonight. thank you so much for waking me up. thank you so much for never letting go. i swear, i wont let you down. i cant let you down. youre the only one i can completely count on and for me to let go of you would be the stupidest move ever. i love you so much. and im sorry for everything ive ever done to hurt you. thank you for my awesome life.


this feeling, you, my life,
its indescribable.

i dont get enough sleep.

i had a dream last night.
thanks to you and your CTD.



...i might finished this later.

im not gonna lie, today was awful.


you are seriously getting on my nerves. im sick of you putting us down for every little mistake we make. im sick of you saying this means nothing to us when to some of us it means the world. im sick of you thinking just because you yell that we'll all get it perfect the next time. im sick of you being so bi-polar. im sick of being around you. and if you continue to do this i will be mad at you for wasting two years of my life. please, grow up. then maybe i can respect you like i did my first year.

i honestly have nothing more to say to you.


on the other hand: band, please stand up straight and march like you know how. you know how to do it. so just do it. dont make us resort to push ups and crap to get you to act right. i have no doubt that you guys can take this band all the way. what i doubt is that you guys want that. and im here to tell you there are people in this band who would give the world to be on top. if youre not gonna do it for your own pride, do it for ours. not to mention i dont want him to yell anymore.


im in a super crappy mood. i dont remember the last time i was this frustrated. i have this huge pit in the bottom of my stomach and the more i think about this the bigger it gets. its a miracle i didnt cry in front of everyone on the field today. i came so close to it.

you dont know what this does to us. youre not helping.


i just need... i dont know what i need.
im gonna go do homework and when 9 rolls around im gonna watch Heroes.
i have to think of something to get mine (and the team's) morale back up.

i cant get over your attitude. im so disgusted.

but then again, maybe its not just you.