& we all fall down, again ;

I think one of the most beautiful things about this life is that no one really knows how to get it perfectly right. In a sense, we're all figuring things out as we go along. Some of us have a really good sense of direction, based on Faith. Some of us don't have a clue. But we're all the same in that we live by trial and error. It's amazing, as messed up as we are, that we can create such wonderful relationships. That we can bring forth the miracle another being with just our own bodies. That we can put together a series of thoughts into what could become a world revolution. Our God isn't fair. No, He's much too generous. This life that we live, it's indescribable. Forget about money, forget about war, forget about politics. Just take a look around you. Look at all the INCREDIBLE gifts that God has given us. A people who constantly cause Him greif. Who are we to deserve such a blessed and full life? We are His beloved. It makes absolutely no sense. But despite it all, He loves us. With a love so strong that no one can comprehend it. We aren't perfect. We fail entirely too much. But this is a journey. This is a relationship. We learn as we go. And even when we come close to understanding, there's no way we will get it right 100% of the time. But that doesn't mean we should stop trying. If we love Him like we say we do, we will try to get it right. We will try to understand. And we will cling to Him through it all. Because, where else can we go?

One of these days, I'm going to have a family of my own. And if they learn nothing else from me, they will learn how much God loves them. They will learn how to find His love in every day life by just looking around. By being thankful for each and every beautiful day they're given. The responsibility lies on me to never let myself take that for granted. Because if I can't show them, how will they ever know?

Anyway, there's kind of been a lot going on. With me anyway. A lot of changing and rearranging. But it's for the better, I know it. Today I actually had the desire to go back to school. Crazy, I know! I guess I've just been kind of bored lately. It's not good to sit at home, really. I've been cleaning and stuff but that only goes so far. I wish I was able to get a job. It's so late in the summer now I'm not sure it's even worth it. Not if there willing to really work with my schedule. Because with band about to start up, I'm gonna need them to be flexible. I really don't know how that would work. But I'm sure if I pray about it, everything will work out fine. :)

I should probably get in the shower since I have to leave in like an hour. I missed church on Sunday so I'm looking forward to going tonight. Unfortunately, Lauren has practice so she won't be able to come with. But it's all gravy.

Byes.

What happened to May?!

I know it's been over a month since I last blogged. Don't shoot me. :/ There's been A LOT going on! For one, school is finally out! With all of the exams and moving out going on I had absolutely NO time to blog. And then when all that was over we went down for Florida for vacation. Which was absolutely amazing! Even more amazing than I was expecting considering I was PROPOSED to! :D I am so extremely proud of that man of mine. He did such a good job with all of it. The ring is gorgeous and the timing could not have been better. He knows me so well and it took so much for him to do what he did. I truly love him and I am stoked that I get to spend the rest of my life with him! It's good to finally be able to say that he is my one and only, the love of my life. ♥

I made a pretty big decision when it comes to school. Of course, this decision was made before I was proposed to. I decided to transfer home. There were many reasons why I would rather stay home and only two reasons why I wouldn't. And though Amanda and Katherine are two very good reasons, the pros of coming home just outweighed the cons. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders knowing that I don't have to leave town at the end of the summer! I also decided to change my major. My heart wasn't really into the whole music education thing anymore and in a major like that, if your heart's not in it, it's nearly impossible to succeed. It was a lot of hard work that I just wasn't feeling would be worth it in the end. I decided to switch to early education and I am very happy with my decision. :) In order to save money, I plan on going to Tech this fall and transferring to USC in the spring. I figure I can get a good 15 hours of general education classes out of the way for free. And plus I'm not too sure I'm ready to dive into such a large school just yet. I admit that USC is a bit intimidating...

I'm super ecstatic that summer is here. My first vacation was pretty awesome but I'm excited about the rest of the summer trips too. :) Hopefully Jared and I, and possible Hannah Martin, are taking a trip down to West Palm Beach to see my lovely ex-roommate Katherine Blazer sometime mid-June. And then at the beginning of July we're heading down to Edisto for the annual Chapiesky beach trip. Haha. That one I am particularly thrilled about since I'm kind of part of the family now. :)

I really need a job but the truth is I'm wanting to wait until after Edisto so that I won't have to ask off. And if by some miracle Mr. Turner decides he wants me on staff with the band then I may just wait 'til after band season is over to find one. My parents won't be too thrilled about that but it's just a few more months. Hopefully once I find one I will be able to keep it throughout my college years.

At any rate, it's getting kind of late and I need to decide whether I'm ready to go to bed or if I want to watch an episode of Lost before I go. And if you know me, you know I'm no good at making decisions. Haha.

Goodnight!
:) <3

Either way it'll be alright ;

It has been so busy lately! Hence the fact that I haven't blogged in like three weeks. And yea, a whole lot has gone on. But I'd rather look forward...

For one, This coming week is my last full week of classes! All I have is this week and next Monday and I'm done. Except for exams, of course, but I can handle those knowing that soon I will be at the happiest place on Earth! :))

Yes, in just three short weeks I will be on my way to Disney! I seriously am soooo excited! We are gonna have a blast, I just know it!

Tonight Jared and I are going over to see Jess and the new baby! I can't wait to meet him! I've gotten pictures and he is just the sweetest little thing! I would love to be able to stay for a while and hang out but Jared told his dad he'd be home for dinner. That's probably for the best, though. Being a new mom and everything is a lot of work and I'm sure Jess needs her space.

I miss her. It's been too long since I've last seen her. :/

I don't really know what else to talk about. I'm just so ready for it to be summer.
I applied to work at Monkey Joe's again this summer. I'm hoping now that I have a little more life experience they will actually consider hiring me this time. I honestly can't go all summer without some kind of income. I have school to pay for. & other things that I need to save for. Important and exciting things that can't be mentioned on the internet at this time. But soon. ;)

My cat is begging me to let her go outside. She doesn't understand the concept of NO! Lol. I was just out there with her for like 20 minutes and I almost lost her. I don't think my mom would be too pleased if she woke up from her nap and we had no clue where the cat was. Then again, maybe she would? I don't really know but I'm not gonna risk it.

I'm gonna start packing up my things at four. I'll still be ready to go way before Jared is. But, oh well. Too bad we won't have cable. Sometimes it gets really boring around this house. But I still prefer being home to being at school. Ha.
Speaking of school, I could very well be doing homework right now but I just choose not to. It's that summer bug. What can ya do?

I'm gonna go now. I'm all out of things to talk about...

Caught up in the waves, I'll not be afraid ;

Wow. A whole heck of a lot has happened in the past three weeks. I can't even get into it all. Let's just say that it has been quite a life changing experience. I regret nothing. And I'm so excited about what's to come!

I didn't get much sleep this weekend due to the fact that I made an "emergency" trip to Lexington. It really wasn't anything horrible, I just needed to spend a girl's day with little miss Lauren. :) She had a rough week and I wanted to make sure she was alright. We had a blast. Anyway, the point of me saying I didn't get much sleep is to follow up by saying I couldn't get up this morning. Literally could not. That's why I'm writing a blog, really. Because it's in the middle of the Music Ed class and I can't very well waltz in. So I'm waiting on 10 o'clock to roll around so I can go to my lesson. Which probably won't be too amazing since I just had a lesson on Friday. And, no, I have no practiced since then. But I would think he would be a bit understanding. Maybe.

I have a paper due on Wednesday. If I have any brains at all I will start that today. I should be able to since I'm done earlier today than normal. I also need to start my Theory project. I would really like to get a good grade on that. I did great on my last test! A lot better than the last one at least. 9 points better. :)

Before I go, I'd like to wish a happy 20 months to the love of my life!
I love you, baby! For now & for always! I promise. <3

:/

I'm a happy person. Most people know that about me.
So when I have multiple bad days in a short time span, I know it's time for a break.

Lord, just help me through.

I'm not myself. At all.

It must be a girl thing.

I know they're too young. They were reckless, or irresponsible. Whatever you want to call it. They have no idea what's coming next or even how to make it work. It's going to be anything but easy.

Despite all of this, I still find myself feeling jealous.

Because they're together.

I wish I wasn't in such a rush. But I can't help it. It's all I can think about.

It must be a girl thing.

Turn my cartwheels into headstands ;

I don't know why I found this picture so amusing. You have to admit, it has a little charm. That beach looks wonderful. What I wouldn't give to be at the beach right now.

One of our buildings caught on fire today. It's closed for the rest of semester. They have to figure out where they're going to move all of the classes. My roommate saw somewhere that if they can't find anywhere by Monday they might just cancel classes for next week. As much as I want to believe that to be true, it's kind of absurd. It just doesn't make much sense. If there is some truth in that, however, how absolutely amazing would that be? Eh, why am I even entertaining such a thought.

My goal for these next six days is to survive. Not just survive, though. I want to be productive enough to where I can go into spring break knowing I'm in a good position academically. There are a few things I will have to do over spring break, however. Like write a paper. But it shouldn't be that big of a deal. I figure after a few days of doing nothing, I'll get pretty bored with just sitting around. Especially since my parents don't have cable anymore.

I wanted to take a day to go to Charleston to visit my dear friend, Spencer, but it just doesn't look like it's gonna work. Where am I gonna get the gas money? I wouldn't have to worry about gas if Jared went but he has school and work and absolutely no time to go galvantin' to the beach. Ha, I don't even know if that's how you spell such a word. But since it doesn't really exist, I don't guess it matters. :)

I need to save my money as much as I can over break. I have to pay $70 for initiation.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little stressed out right now. It seems like there is a lot going on. I'm just gonna keep praying that my head stays on straight. It would be so harmful for me to lose my focus. Good thing my God is on my side. :)

On that note, I reckon I should head on to bed. I don't want to be sleeping 'til twelve tomorrow. Although, there's no tellin' with the way my allergies have been acting up...

Night.

I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind ;

The way you can cut a rug,
Watching you is the only drug I need.
So gangster, I'm so thug,
You're the only one I'm dreaming of.
You see, I can be myself now, finally.
In fact, there's nothing I can't be.
I want the world to see you'll be with me.

- TRAIN -

Well, we had a delay this morning. Because of snow. This may be the first time I've experience snow in March. Granted, it is only the third day of March. But it's March none the less. I was very thankful for the delay, that's for sure. I got ten hours of sleep last night! I honestly cannot tell you the last time I got ten hours of sleep. I feel mighty refreshed. :)

I'm going tanning today for the last time until after spring break. I'm hoping, actually, that I'll be able to lay out a little over spring break. That would be nice. I guess it all depends on how warm it's going to be. I'm guessing it'll be in the mid 60s. If I'm lucky, it might get into the seventies. I shouldn't get my hopes up. Haha.

We get our DO notebooks at the meeting tonight. I'm kind of worried that I'm gonna end up losing it. I can't set it down ANYWHERE! I just know I'm gonna forget about it. But I better pay attention to what I'm doing. Either that or I'm gonna end up quite embarrassed.

I'm getting kind of hungry. Good thing we're going to Chick-Fil-A for dinner tonight. I'm excited about. Those chicken sandwiches are so good! Thank you Chick-Fil-A for giving us free sandwiches on Wednesday. I love you. I really do.

This blog is kind of ridiculous. I don't really have anything interesting to say at all.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I only have one class in the morning. Then I can chill for the rest of the day. How awesome is that? It's kind of like my weekend starts tomorrow. I should go work out. I haven't been in like two weeks. That's probably a good plan...

I think Imma go watch TV with the roomie. I'm all out of things to talk about. Hope ya'll are having a good day! :)
Byes.

For all time ;

Do you remember when we were just kids
& cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss?
Schoolyard conversations taken to heart
& laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not.

I wanna break every clock;
The hands of time could never move again.
We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives.
Is it over now? Hey, hey is it over now?

I wanna be your last first kiss
That you'll ever have.
I wanna be your last first kiss.

Amazing how life turns out the way that it does;
We end up hurting the worst the only ones we really love.

I wanna break every clock;
The hands of time could never move again
We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives.
Is it over now? Hey, hey is it over now?

I wanna be your last first kiss
That you'll ever have.
I wanna be your last first kiss.

Is it over now? Hey, hey is it over now?
Is it over how? Hey, hey it's not over now?

I wanna be your last first kiss
That you'll ever have.
I wanna be your last first love
That you'll ever have.
'Til you're lying here beside me with arms and eyes open wide,
I wanna be your last first kiss, for all time.

- ANBERLIN -


A lot of things in life have changed. It's as if there's a "grown up" button somewhere that has all of a sudden been pushed. I stepped out of high school and my world has flipped in a way that I would never have imagined. Life hits you like a ton of bricks and as I look around I see reality in a way that I never have before. Things happen. And they happen to anyone and everyone. How blessed am I that I am not being touched by such things? How blessed am I that all this suffering is not something I have to deal with? These challenges that all of my friends and family are facing are so real. And yet so out of reach. Like I'm living in a completely different world. Here I am so happy with my life: I don't have a single complaint. And in the midst of my euphoria, people are hurting. People are struggling. And people are having to grow up entirely too fast. What have I done to warrant such a shield of protection over my life? I can't deny that I feel useless. Helpless. Ignorant. What do I know of this life? Nothing but what good it can bring. I know I should be thanking God for this abundance in my life & I do every day. But it's hard when I have a heart so full of compassion and love that it breaks every time I see someone hurting. I don't want to go through what they're going through. But I want to be able to help and empathize with them. I don't know how to deal with things & I don't know how to be there for them. Maybe that should be my prayer. Lord, teach me how to put this compassionate heart to work. Teach me how to reach out and effectively lift the spirits of the broken.

I need a break. I'm exhausted. Just two more weeks until break.

Ha, I think I'm exhausted. I can't imagine being in their shoes. I don't see how they do it. They're strong people; Every single person who is having to struggle.

I have so many selfish desires. I need to get rid of them.

You make me smile, please stay for a while now ;

I am currently listening to my roommate sing along to her iPod. She cracks me up. I'm really blessed to have been placed with her. We get along so well.

My first recital was yesterday. I was pretty nervous about it. But I surprised myself with how well I played. Of course, it wasn't perfect. But I know now that I can do it. & I can do it pretty well. Or in Hough's words, "Not bad!!". That comment made my day. I guess you'd have to know Hough...

We also had a concert last night. Which I thought went pretty well. My boyfriend came up to be that amazing supporter that he is! What did I do to deserve such an amazing man? Nothing. & yet I have him. Oh, the grace of God. What can compare? Right, absolutely nothing.

I'm excited to be at church again on Sunday morning. It had been a few weeks since I had been in the the presence of God & it was such a good reminder of how awesome He really is when I went last week. There really is nothing compared to being in the presence of God. I can honestly say, even as amazing as my boyfriend is, that in His presence is the only place I feel complete. I hope I never forget how it feels.

I am so ready for summer. Just 74 days. Actually, just a break would be nice. Spring break is only 17 days away. It's going to be nice. Hopefully I'll get to catch up on sleep. I think I'm really starting to get exhausted. But I still feel blessed to live such a full life! :)

I should probably fix myself some lunch. It's 1:30. Since when do I wait that long to eat? I guess I've just had other things on my mind this morning. It's nice to be able to enjoy my day without running around. This week has been so crazy.

It needs to get warmer outside. Like today. I don't want another day to be below 60 degrees, thanks.

It's time for me to get up & away from this computer.
I love all of you! Have a great weekend! :D

This snow is pissing me off.

Why did I ever think this would be a good thing?
Of course, its not safe for people to travel 90 miles in heavy snow.
I wish I would've thought of this before I started counting down the hours until I saw Jared.
Now, who knows?
I might not see him until tomorrow afternoon at best.
I'm really in a horrible mood right now.
I've been biting my tongue for the past half hour.
It's kind of a miracle that I'm not crying, actually.
That's what I do when I'm mad, if you didn't know.

The worst part is I got all snappy with him.
As if it's his fault that there was a freak South Carolina snow storm on Valentine's Day weekend.
I just don't know how to feel.
I hate disappointment.

{ I M A B }

Hello there! So, it is officially the weekend. Valentine's weekend if you want to be exact. I'm excited about it. Not just because it's Valentine's day. Mostly because I get to spend it with my love. I am very excited to see him. I don't like going two weeks at a time without seeing him. But, at the same time, when I do see him those two weeks are completely worth it. This weekend should be fun. :)

It is supposed to snow today. I'm also quite excited about that. I'm sure everyone back in Lexington is excited too. Because of the snow I'm not going to service learning at the Boys & Girls club. That's good because there's a lot I can do here. But that also means I'm going to be volunteering twice next week. I'll be fine. I'm probably going home next weekend anyway, so it'll make for a busy & short week.

Eight Below is on TV. I haven't seen this movie in a very long time. But I like it. Not to mention Paul Walker is very easy on the eyes. ;)

I don't really have much to say. Katherine's asleep in my chair right now...

I guess as far as an update on what's going on, things are still going pretty great. School's going well. I think I'm really getting into the college habit & the whole thing is started to come easier to me. Amanda & I want to live in Roddey next semester, which are apartments on campus. They're one bedroom but they have a kitchen and a common area. It would be cool to have some more space. Sophomore girls get first priority so we're just crossing our fingers that we get a place. I guess otherwise I'd just live in Thomson again. I don't know, though. I'm kind of banking on Roddey.

I hate how with our refridgerator the milk always goes bad a few days before its supposed to. I had a whole half of a bottle left & when I went to pour it this morning it was not good. Not good at all. Luckily I bought another half a gallon at Walmart yesterday. Speaking of milk I may very well want some cookies & milk right about now... At four I plan on starting some laundry. Then after laundry I'm gonna hit up a practice room. Then after I practice I reckon I'll do some homework & cleaning while I wait on Jared to get here. :)

Yea, those cookies are starting to look reallyyy goooodddd.
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Love!

Who are they anyway? ;

So, another week has gone by. I have to say it was one of the longest weeks of my life. But I made it through. & it wasn't nearly as painful as it could have been. In just 16 short hours I'll be on my way back home. To my love & my best friend. & I know my parents are pretty excited to see me, too. I'll admit it's always good to see them.

I just got back from the gym with Miss Ashly Cartner. I'm glad she goes with me. I'd be a disgusting person if I didn't go "workout" every once in a while. Lord only knows when I'll actually change my eating habits. Haha. I'm sure you know how that goes.

I have a few things I need to do tonight. The dishes for one. And some math work. & some reading for Education. I also have to come up with a few questions to ask Mr. Turner tomorrow. I have to interview a music teacher for my Music Education class. It's due Wednesday. I figured since I was coming home this weekend I would ask Mr. Turner for a face-to-face correspondence. Lucky for me, he's available after school tomorrow. It's been too long since I've seen him anyway.

I decided to not go to my math class in the morning. For one thing, I could really use the extra sleep. And secondly, going to every single class at this point is really kind of pointless. He is teaching at a really slow pace. Everything runs together in a way that if you miss a lesson, the concepts will be reviewed and used in the next one. Not to mention it's real easy stuff. So I made an executive decision: No math for me tomorrow.

However, I honestly feel bad about missing class. You don't have to believe me. But it's true. I feel like I've been a pretty good student this semester.

Tomorrow is month number eighteen for Jared and I. That adds up to a year and a half. And that doesn't even count the year we spent in limbo. I really don't know where all the time has gone. It's crazy how you can be so into someone that the time you spend together is never enough. I've been hung on this boy for two and a half years and just seeing his name still gives me butterflies. I never could have imagined it to be this way. & I never want anything else. This is it for me. The ridiculous part is that it's only going to get better. I know because everytime I tell myself that it can't get any more amazing, it does.

Love. I read somewhere that it should have more letters. I agree. It's the greatest. There is nothing more than love. Just four little words that mean absolutely everything.

I should probably get to work before I get the desire to do nothing at all. I can feel it coming on already. Haha.

I cannot wait for this weekend. The escape is long over due.

I think I made You too small, I never feared You at all;

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be.
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.



Well, howdy! I know, it has been entirely too long since I've updated. But I just started a new semester. Give me a break, okay?

Anyway, I'm staying in Rock Hill this weekend. Yay? That's possible. I have plans with people. And homework & praciticing to do. Which means I have much time to be sitting & thinking about home. That really is the key to not missing home so much: staying busy. Although, I like down time. I can live without too much of it.

I just got a text from my dad. We don't have to sell his car. Which is awesome because that means I get to keep driving my jeep. :) I was going to severely miss that thing if I had to give it up. But God provides.

We also get to go to Disney. I am so extrememly excited. Especially since Jared is going with us. It really can't get much better than that. Every since I've been into boys I had been awaiting the day when I could go to Disney and experience it all with the man I loved. & now it's finally happening. In just 109 days. Yes, I have already started the countdown. :)

I heard a rumor that season ten of American Idol will be the last season ever. This is kind of sad to me because I was planning on trying out after I graduate. You know, just for the experience. & to see if I really am good enough to make it. If I really want to to do that this summer is my last chance, apparently. I haven't made my decision yet. & what if I do tryout & I do make it to Hollywood? What then? I can't just take a semester off from school. I don't know yet. I just don't know.

Amanda & I are gonna start tanning on Monday. Boy, am I excited about that! I feel so disgusting. Haha. Well, it's not that bad. I just like tanning. It makes me a lot happier about my skin. It's darker & smoother & just all around better. I started working out again this week, too. I should do that as often as possible. Because it makes me feel really great.

I feel like I'm doing a lot better this semester than last semester which is good for my confidence, I reckon. I feel more on top of things, if you know what I mean.

At any rate, it's almost one & I'm starting to get pretty hungry. So the plan for now is to get my lazy butt up and fix myself something to eat. I'll probably watch some Lost. Or the episode of Heroes from Monday night that I haven't watched...

I hope you all have a great weekend!
:)

The best things in life just can't be done alone;

Well, I reckon this is the very first post of 2010. What took me so long? I don't know, I guess I was just busy. I went to the mountains this past week with some amazing people. I had an incredible time & it was probably the best idea I've had in a really long time. Haha. It's so nice to get away like that. And with all the snow & the mountain scenery it was just like a far away land. I could have sworn as soon as we left my house on Monday morning that we just stepped through a portal & left reality behind entirely. Vacations are quite awesome. It makes me excited about going to Disney in May. I need to get through this semester first before I can do that, however. Haha.

Speaking of this semester, I really don't think it's going to be so bad. I know it's going to take a good bit of focus & self discipline on my part. And that's something that I'm not going to be able to do on my own. But now that I know the power of prayer from experience, all of that focus & self discipline is simply a prayer away. It's good to know that I'm not doing this alone. There's no way I could get through it otherwise. At least, I wouldn't be a happy person. & I truly live for that amazing joy that God gives me on a daily basis. It wouldn't feel like living without it.

At any rate, I know this is short. But I felt like I owed one since it's been a week or so. I need to call Jared to wake him up. I'm supposed to be going to watch Heroes in like 45 minutes. Which means I should also get ready.

Hopefully it won't be forever until I get another chance to update. Until then, have a good one! :)